Ep 12 | Flipped the Script: What Is the Biggest Change I've Experienced in Life Due to Mindset Work?

This episode covers how to change a habit, what is the best mindset tool that has worked for me and my clients, and how we are continuously improving ourselves.

Listen to Andrew Huberman's podcast: https://www.hubermanlab.com/podcast

Listen to Natalie Bacon's podcast: https://momonpurpose.com/category/podcast/

Listen to Brooke Castillo's podcast: https://thelifecoachschool.com/podcast/

If you are ever in need of a boating wire harness manufacturer, be sure to check out Knox Wire Harenesses: https://www.knoxwireharnesses.com/

Website: https://merittrollinsbrown.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/merittrollinsbrown/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@merittrollinsbrown?_t=8hC2ICTEGIY&_r=1

Transcript

0:00

HEy cuties. Welcome back to another episode of Q the new you I'm Marat Rollins brown, your host. And today is part two of the interview I did with my husband and K a Rob brown. And in the first episode, if you haven't listened to that, go back and listen to it because he talks a lot about. How to balance. Owning a company, having a family and carving out time to. Do the things he likes to do as hobbies, especially hurling and. How he structures. His business and how that relates to mindset work and all of that. So go listen to that episode, if you haven't already. And today. Um, is the second part of this. I guess interview and he kind of flips the scripts and ask me questions and. Sometimes when I get put on the spot, I, um, Just talk. Um, So we'll see how my end of the interview. CO's. So this should be. Interesting. All right. Enjoy. What do you see as the biggest change in yourself from all the work you've done? With the biggest change in myself. Um, I think. I don't know if this is where my. I'll respond in this. Versus. We're reacting. You're like overreacting. Yeah. So can you define, responded in this. So instead of, um, I understand why. More like, I feel the way I do. And. I mean, you know, Obviously I'm human. And like, if I get annoyed or irritated and I snap at the kids, I am quick to realize that and be like, okay. This is actually what's going on and it's not. The kids or the reason why I snapped at the kids. And therefore I can. Change it. And a lot of times it's just that. Moment of me realizing it. You know what you think too? I don't know that. Actually it's Marsha video of Henri who used to play soccer. For France and. He said that. Um, when you're a competitor, nobody. Prepares you for when.. The competitor dies. And he was like, give me say, I can go back and play for France. But you get to a point where you aren't. You are you're in the same athlete. And for me, it's like, that makes a lot of sense. Cause I would get frustrated with myself and I'm talking about this. Before, but it's because I'm trying to be. Like my past. Cell phone the field and have that competitive drive in like, I'm the best. I'm going to be the best. Whereas. Now. I mean, I'm still competitive, but it's not, I'm also not filled with a lot of anger. And rage on the field either. Um, Because I've learned to. Oh, my gosh. Um, words are hard. And I control, I've learned to manage my emotions in a healthier way. And, but I think that's, that's a good. Analogy. For me in the sense of being a mom too, because when the kids were younger, I was filled with so much. Anger. And I don't want to say rage, but bitterness because like I was living a life. I didn't think I would be living at the age of 22, 23, 24. And like, none of my friends were kind of. Living. How I was living. And so it was just, it was a weird dynamic for me. And especially since. We just got married and we didn't really experience time together. Just us. Um, and so it was just a lot of. Emotional baggage that kept getting weighed down because. I didn't know. How to manage those emotions and how to. Break free of that. And so it was always like, um, Just reverting to past behaviors because that's what I knew how to do. And so now, With. Emotional maturity. Aye. Can now. Respond more than react because reacting is. Our past sinking in our past selves, because that's how our brains are wired. And. Responding is your more like future thinking? Like how do I want to show up in this situation right now and who do I want to be? And so I think I'm a lot better at that. And. You know, obviously. There are things that I'm still working on, but overall, it's definitely more of a sense of calmness and certainty with raising kids. And I'm not getting sucked down all these rabbit holes of, oh, you should do this with your kid or you shouldn't do this or whatever. Like I had been in the past because I was trying so hard to be so perfect at. being a good mom and. You know, not asking for help and trying to do all the things. And it. It. I mean, you know, this firsthand, it took a toll. On. On us and, So I think the biggest thing. Is just emotional maturity. What is the most valuable thing you bring to your clients? I think hopefully it's like holding the necessary space. Um, For them to. Show up as themselves. ANd just. Hold a space for. Um, to be honest, And. Either to listen, but also be either. To advise him with like a bunch of different kinds of tools and. Resources. They can use because not everybody is in the same situation, not everybody's in the same. Part of their journey. Not everybody. Learns the same way. Um, You know, for me, I think about this all the time. Because you get all the B about this, how you're like, you should try this, but then I don't. And then somebody else is like, oh, you should try that. And then I do. But that always reminds me of the. The Phil episode. And I'm a hunter and family where Phil and Claire go out to dinner. I think it was like when new friends or something. But they always go to this one restaurant and every time Claire tells Phil she's like, you should try the iceberg salad. Do you remember this episode? And he's like, no, and like the years, however, in the years they've been going there, he's never had it. And then this one person says you should really try the iceberg. Wedge salad and, and, uh, and then you see him eating that salad and then you see Claire you're like pissed. She's like, I've been telling you this for years, but it's kind of that like, You aren't. Some people may not be receptive or open to. What I have to say in this way. And so it's figuring out the. a better approach for them to meet them where they are. Nice. Can you. Define holding your space and go a little deeper into what that means. WOTSO important. Well, I. I mean. Like. I do. Have lots of years of experience, but I don't want to. I want to come off as. More relatable, like. I am here to help you because. You know, I know. The certain things. So you're holding the space. For them. Yeah. I don't want my clients. Two. Come on. I don't know. It's like, cause I've had therapists before and it's like, sometimes I'm like, I don't know this isn't the right vibe. For me. Um, or like with soccer coaches, I'm like, no, I don't. There. You know, with people in general, like this isn't the right vibe. For me and, um, So just kind of holding, holding that space for me. Means like I'm showing up as myself. And. Yeah, I got to get out of my own head in order to serve. My clients and like, I can't be thinking about, oh my gosh, what if they don't mind me? What if I say the wrong thing or. Whatever it is. And so I go into it like I do a little. Now pre evaluation, but I do prep work. Before. Showing up for your client. So I can. Go in there with like my mind focused on them and not. On me in that moment because you know, I'm there to serve them. Like I said, I'm going to. Show up as myself. And it's, I'm usually in athletic clothes and. No relax. Like I'm not. Yeah, getting too dressed up or anything. And it doesn't mean that. I don't take it. Seriously, it's just, That's just my style. Who's your favorite? Self-help. Author so like mindset all through at the moment, I had, uh, I actually am. Read a lot recently. Over the last, like, What four years of. So that's all I read. Then you get to a point where it's like so much. And so I. Kind of take a setback, but the. I mean really the first person. Who I listened to. Um, Was Natalie bacon. Design your dream life, her podcast. And then she kept saying my. Coach Brooke Castillo, Brooke Castillo. And then I was like, who the hell is this? Brooke, a CEO person. So then I went and listened to. BRCA CEO's podcast. I mean, and that was like, 24 7. For, I think it took me almost a year to listen to. How did she add only, you know, how many episodes she has now? Like over 300 and it told me like, A year, a little over a year to listen to those podcasts. And then, um, you would make notes and stuff like, oh yeah, you. You were in. Yeah, you did a lot of hard work for a really long time. Yeah. I remember that. And then it was Stacy Beeman and then I started getting more into, Business coaches. And in person, I still listened to. Tuesday. And I do her. Programs. Is so many of those differing, I really, I really like her. Um, but then other ones like doctor. Andrew Hagerman's podcast is amazing. And. Then I got on. Um, The health care clinic with a microbiome find doctor. Fiber fueled by Dr. B from Charleston. Um, and Dr. Perlmutter. So it was kind of just a whole. Realm of like, how can I improve? Yeah. And everything about myself. Yeah. Let's take it to yours. Too. Yeah, it's, it's amazing to me like, Hey, how much. How versatile Monset is. Because. Like I've talked about how it's helped me in my business. My personal life. You know, relationships and you've talked about. How it's helped you and stuff and like, Even with. The health stuff. You know, It just amazes me how versatile, how everything is connected together. Everything's connected together. And it starts from the only place you can see the rest of the world, which is your brain. And you all, and then you have the. They got. Brain. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Uh, so that's stuff that's connected to. Cause, uh, The healthier you eat, the more plant diverse diet you have the better. Your brain is going to essentially work. Yup. And the better your brain works. If you know how to utilize it. Yeah. Yeah, the more successful you'll be like. And again, success is whatever you want it to be. Yeah. Like, so, yeah. I feel like I'm successful. Yeah. I mean personally, financially, I'm not where I want it to be. Um, but I'm working on it. I feel like you're very successful. I think like, Uh, like with. My definition of success. Bet. Going back to my kid. Or going back to. The kids. You're the reason I'm successful in that. All right. You're the reason. That. The kids are who they are. Therefore, I think you are more successful. You are the most successful person. I know. Cause like, I like a lot of other kids. I think they're all cool, but like, Our kids are very car. They're not always the best behave. They're very calling. I see that as like, I see that as success. Uh, I see that as like, You're the reason for that. So, It just goes back to what the definition of success is. Yeah. I think the best. Tool. That. I learned and I still. Use. Is the model. From Hey pepper. And from. BRCA CEO. Where are you? Have you break it down or you have your circumstance? Which you are, which is like, The facts. I mean, you can put your experience in there too. Then you have the thought about the circumstance. Like I. Thinking, blah, blah, blah. Then you have the feeling. So, how do you feel when you think about thought about the circumstance? Angry. Then you have your actions. And you write out what you do when you feel that way. When you think that thought about that circumstance? Yeah. And so it's like, if I feel angry, No. This happened. Aye. Yeah. Aye. And not. Productive. Aye. Shut down, whatever it is that you do. And then the result from that. Is. Your current state. So are you. Um, model for. I mean personal things, relationships, um, in my business, like how I feel about my business. And. That also helps me because you have your. Your current model. So what you're currently thinking and feeling. Any of your future model. So you take the same circumstance or you can take the same result. And you can change. Your thought about that. And how you feel about that and also your actions. And. That has helped me kind of, because you kept saying like, you stepped back. And get out of your head to look at the bigger picture. That's how I look at the bigger picture. But also. That ties in with. What Byron Katie talks about all the time and how. You can. Except the past. For how the past was, because that's how it happened. And it's not. You aren't saying that. My past was. Fine. And you aren't acknowledging like all the. You know, especially if you had trauma in your past, but it's a way to. It's a way to accept it without. I guess like, Kerosene or something like. Having that be a burden that's been holding you back. Yeah, because for me a long time, For a long time. It was. Like the past would always. Pull me back. So it was like taking two steps forward, eight steps back. Um,'cause, I didn't really understand how to. Kind of new forward without having past. Come back. Um, and so, so her work, but then that also ties into, when that happens. There's friction between your past self in. Who. You are becoming. And that's when you start getting those identity crisis. And that's why James clear talks about. And atomic habits. How are you can. Ease that transition, I guess. Many ways. It all ties in. There's that go with, like you can't do new use stuff. If you're not the new, you. I get that. No that doesn't. Well, can you explain what that means? Can you explain what that means or do you want me to explain what I see that it means? So a lot of times, and like, Take care. You dieting, for example. A lot of times, people feel one way and so they want to change something. And so if they don't like their bodies and they feel like they need to lose weight because. When they lose weight, they will feel. Differently. They'll feel happier. They'll feel better about themselves. Um, so where they go to is this external thing, which is the diet. So if I get on this keto diet, Because so many people have said that. They've lost weight from it. Um, if I started this keto diet, then. I'm going to lose weight and then want to lose weight, then I'm going to feel better. Well, what happens is they start on this keto diet for like a week, two weeks, maybe a month, but then something in life happens and they haven't prepared themselves for what this obstacle. What does that? Yeah. Where this obstacle is. And so. They. Quote unquote, fall off the wagon. And then they backtrack so much that it's hard to get back to where they were. And then they still, they aren't feeling any better about themselves because they tried. Yeah. They tried to keto diet, and then they're going to say, oh, well the keto diet didn't work because. You know, I lost two pounds, but then a gainer right back when. Uh, when the scene came up and then I couldn't follow the. The diet plan or whatever. So James clear talks about. How that scene outcome base. I have it. Lupe, I guess when. You want this? So you can feel. A different way. And so you reach for something externally, whereas like the identity shift. Comes more into play. When you are looking inwardly. So like, I don't need to lose weight in order to feel better about myself. I don't need to lose weight to. Be happier. Like I can do that. Bye. Shifting my thoughts. And. Taking different actions, but, and, but I, I go back to the model and do it that way. So, but the, so. The I'm coming back to. Doing new stuff when you're still not the new, you. So when you was talking about shifting your perspective to Aachen. I can feel good about myself. As I am. Per my understanding that's creating the new you. And then the more you feel good about yourself. Either the more. Like your diet will want your bolt, your dot naturally, like come into. The right way. And you'll. And I'm not saying die as in constrict yourself from. What I'm saying? Diet is what you read his site. Healthy. He probably, yeah, there's a. There's um, a thing called the health trio, then sort of exercise, diet and sleep. And if you change one thing. One category. The two are going to follow the suit. So it doesn't matter what you change. So if you want to change your sleep, then you got to change your nighttime routine and you got to change your morning routine of centrally. Um, And with that. You get more sleep then? I don't know, you have more energy. Yeah. So then, and you want to. Maybe lose a couple pounds, then you exercise. And then you start exercising. You're like, oh man, I feel really good. Instead of, I don't know, eating fries for lunch every day. Let me try something else. And then. That kind of continues. But what I tend to do. Is. They either go into it, like all or nothing thinking. So like, I'm going to do all of this change out once because. Um, woke up as a new me today. And. But again, and even do it for a couple of days. You can have new routine, you get. Try a new habit. Like have you ever tried to create a new habit or break a bad habit? Like it takes. Time. And there's a reason why he takes time.'cause he, your brains neuro pathways have been engraved for so long for. What you have been doing, and it's like, you're on autopilot on. A lot of times. And so when you try to. When you try to become, like, you're a new version of yourself. Your brain doesn't know what to do, because like you said, it only goes off of past experiences. So it doesn't know the outcome of what this new experience, new life. Is going to look like. And. So a lot of times it'll, that's when the fear and doubt come into, especially if you're like trying to start something new. Where you want to get out of your comfort zone. Then. Your brain's going to be like, no, this is really there's way too weird. And I don't, I don't, we are going to survive this. We're going to do it. And so you're like, yeah. I don't know. I don't know if this is working. Yeah. And then you kind of just revert back to your comfort zone essentially. So. When you work with clients. Or. Does. Let's let's do this one first. If. If I wanted to change a habit. Right. Um, How do I do that? Yeah. So, I guess two. Simplifying it. You first have to. So you don't change a habit. So you currently have this habit. Establish that you want to change. Yup. Okay. So then you have to be aware of that habit. So I'll have an hour. Let's imagine adult. By the way. I have an hour between. When the kids get home from school. Or from what I get off from work. And when the kids get home from school, I use that hour to sit on the couch. And drink beer. How do I change that into, I use that hour to exercise. Okay, so you want to go from, instead of. Being dashed. The potato drinking beer, you want to exercise? Yup. Um, or scroll on the phone either one. Yeah. Yeah. You want to do something productive versus no. Have so many notes on this. All right, hang on. Let me, uh, let me simplify it. So for me, I like to become aware of. Y you have the couch potato habit to begin with. When did that start and why did that start? And what are you. Using that for, y. You want to exercise? And then you come up with. Plans that. Would help you. Too. Start with that exercise and keep going with that exercise. And because usually it's. You can do a time. You can do location. Um, your environment, you can change your environment around. So if you come home from work and. You know, you feel great for a couple of days and you're like, man, I'm just going to go run. Like you don't even think about it, but then. You come home from work and then you're super drained or you're really stressed and you really don't want to exercise. But. What's the best way. For you to follow through with your goal? And. Come up with. Trial and error things that work for you. So like changing your environment. You. Keep your. Jim bag in the car. So you actually change at work so we can get home. You don't have an excuse to be like, Oh, let me sit down and timer shoe on the couch. Yeah, because our brains do associate. So then your brain is gonna be like, oh, well, we can run in like five minutes. Let me check my phone for a minute. Definitely happened to me. Yeah. Um, and so, but that's like changing your environment. It could be. Every day and 3 0 5. Aye. Drive to the gym or I drive home. And go to the gym before even. Come to my house. You know, it's figuring out. What your lifestyle is because also you have to meet yourself where you are. Like, if your gym is 20 minutes away and you just. Really I'm going to go to the gym. How realistic is that going to be? After a long day of work in you're like dragging yourself. To drive 20 minutes. It depends on the person and it depends on. Their lifestyle. I guess that wasn't simply put. I think it's situational. I think it's fine. I think it's by person. Well, I said. Uh, simply, um, I use. A lot of different. Resources to do the things that I do. And the way that I do it. So sometimes it's hard for me to explain. My process for doing something. Yeah. And by your process, is that. Uh, as soon as the process that you actually do yourself, was that also the process that you work with your clods? No, because I mean, my, my goals are different than my clients, I guess. So you want to change a habit? What is the purpose of that? And what is your goal? Yeah. That's where you start. Okay. Yeah. Because essentially. If you want to achieve a goal. That is becoming. This new version of yourself. I like to come up with a way to where you can achieve a goal. In a simple manner. And with that. It comes with the. Going over. You know, What's your schedule. Like now. Um, Plan for well, when you don't feel motivated. To do the thing that you want to do. What is the one? What's one way we can work around the yeah. Um,'cause like for me, I don't feel motivated to work out all the time. But I still do it. He goes, that's just a form of discipline. But not everybody has a. Is that just simply she's looking at me, everyone. Um, And so. It just. It depends on, on the client, in that situation and what they want to achieve. Yeah. I don't know if that really answered the, how to change a habit. No. I think it did. Did you ever think it was a question? For me. Gosh, no. It's either lost forever or, uh, Think of it. Yeah. I had a couple of days. Yeah, because that's usually how. How my brain works. Yeah. Well, Um, Any last words. I'm honored to be your first guest. Yeah, you are. I'm sort of surprised you asked me to be your first guest. But, uh, thank you for everything you've done for me. Outside you, if we hadn't been together. Aye. Uh, I think. Like. Can I see you is like, Of course my wife and. And a mother and all this other stuff, but I definitely see you as a teacher. As well. And that's something that in my mind has helped me out. And by extension my entire life more than. Anything else? And. I don't really know. Anybody else that gets that. So I'm very lucky there. So thank you for being white teacher. Yeah, that's. That's about it. Do you want to, I keep saying that we have a big change coming up. Oh, yeah. Um, You wanna do what you want to say? What that is? Yeah, I don't see why not. So we plan on. I thought you're going to finish this sentence. Moving to. Tia stain. Yeah. In the summer. So one thing that. And it's helped me with focusing my energy. To get value. Is that. Uh, I have focused a lot of energy on systems and processes at work. That allow me to manage my PO portion of the company, which is the financial side. Uh, without actually being there. And this allows me to work from anywhere. Merit. Does her work through zoom or? Well, I don't know what platform you use online. It's all long. Yeah. Her stuff is. Not like. Try to parole, any specific thing? Um, she does hers. All on so she can be anywhere. Um, And we're going to take the opportunity. And move to a different country and see. How it goes. That's like. Our kids are gonna learn Spanish or not to know. Yeah. Same with us. Uh, we're scared. Um, we're excited. Our kids are scared. They're excited. We've only been talking about this for like two years, three, two and a half years. How love is in that all has been that long for me. Really cause. We talked about, we looked at. We was trying to get to Western Europe. We talked about Portugal first. Just the eye, the idea. Yeah. Yeah. I mean how that's been. My dream since I was 14, 15. Yeah. Anyways. So. But. We're going to make a habit in this year. Yup. And we're going to make it happen. Um, I don't tell you it could have happened. I don't think we'd still be married personally. Um, With all this monster stuff. Yeah. We've been married, bashes 11. So I'm going to say 11 years. But yeah, 12 wait. No I saw this was our 13th year. I think this is our 13th year. Oh, when did we get married? It's been a lifetime. 24. Right. 11 plus 13. Yeah. So we've been married for 12 and we're moving overseas on our 13th year. Lucky number 13. Lucky number 13. Yeah. Uh, I mean, I think recently we've had more ups than downs, so, but. I think we're both still. Improving. Yeah. If you ever find yourself. Not improving on yourself. That's probably when you need to really improve on yourself. Alright. Yeah. Because. We could always be better. Every single wireless can always be better. Yeah. Um, and, uh, Again, the ability to step back and look at things from a neutral perspective. It's sort of like slingshots that. And it's a tool that used. I've used in my business and my businesses. Dated fit fitted from it greatly. I've used them all. Personal life and its benefit greatly. Because of. Like the number of friends we have. You know, to kids. Um, getting to where I like my wife. Almost. A little bit more, a little bit more. Just a little bit. I think it's just like, I really do feel like. It's almost a cheat code. For everything you do. Like, cause. He gives you light. Uh, way to. Point your life in a direction. That's not clouded. Paul your past. But I think too, it also opens your mind up to where you aren't closed off from. Change? No, I agree. And that's part of the clouding, right? Yeah. Part of cloudy is no, I can't do that. I can never do that. I can't do this. I can't do that. Yeah. Right. And all that living. Like being comfortable, just living in that. Yeah. Yeah. And all that comes from all that comes from. You're past the, the voice in your head. Yeah. And it comes from also just not being. Self-aware or knowing. What that is. Yeah. Yeah. And he goes, I didn't know what that was, or like emotional maturity. Yeah. Until. Actually until. Rob bed. He said something to me like years ago. How I had a victim based mentality. And I was like, I don't know what that is. He said that. Hello. Yeah. So he's, he's really the one, I mean, Give credit where credit's due. He's really the one that. Like. Got me like shit. I got to. Yeah, do something. And then, um, I didn't know. I didn't know what podcasts were. Oh, this was the time. Too. Uh, before COVID where I would. Go watch the bachelor with other moms and then neighborhood. And there were all talking about like, Podcast. Cause you know, me, I live under a technology rock. And, um, And I was like, what the hell is a podcast? Well, they use listen to. Castillo. No, it was not, not until he said that then. I was like, okay, I'm just going to. Let's see what CA I don't even know what I typed in to in podcast. And I don't know. I just saw that Natalie Bacon's podcast. I was like, all right. We'll start here. Yeah. And then that's what started. Any party words. Nope. Uh, I asked you that. I know, 15 minutes. I know. Um, what do you have? Social media? Yeah. Social media. And what is it? What's your Instagram? Mullet ma. Mold man madness there. No, it's mullet man mayhem. Oh, okay. You can see how much he gets on. Yeah. Um, yeah. It's fairly small men mayhem. Uh, Really post much. Yeah. If you need any wire harnesses for boats. Contacts. Not smarter harnesses. Yeah, we can do that. If you, if you are a manufacturer looking for electrical wiring harnesses. Feel free to contact Knox wire harnesses. Yeah. So. Here's the best Hurler. Thanks. Okay. That will close. No. Thanks for listening. Um, You know where to find me. I'll be back. I'll be back. I won't be back next week because this would be the part two of next week, too. Boom. And then I always said it was. Okay, bye. Bye. Bye. Okay, bye.