Ep 14 | Building Your Yellow Brick Road

In Kindra Hall's book: "Choose Your Story, Change Your Life," she talks about her love of "The Wizard of Oz" and how in life you can create your own yellow brick road and build your own Emerald City. 

I break down ways you can start placing bricks down that will help you form your path and reach your goal. You do this by becoming aware of your thoughts, thought patterns, beliefs, and the stories you are telling yourself. 

Purchase Kindra's book here: https://www.chooseyourstorychangeyourlife.com/

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Transcript

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Hey, my cutie patootie is I hope you've had a great week. We had a relaxing weekend actually for once we have basketball games and then. We just kind of hung out. Our schedule has slowed down a bit just because. The kids' activities are ending with the winter time and then spring activities will pick up, um, sometime in March. So now it's kind of like a in hurling season will begin in March and it's. A kind of slower. Period for us, which I'm not mad about. So we. Had. I low key. Weekend. Which was amazing. Anyways, and this weather has been awesome. Like I hope spring. Weather. Sticks around because. I find myself going outside more and just like sitting in the sun, my dogs are happier because we're outside more. My kids are outside more when it's warm. So I am all for the sunshine and warm weather and I cannot wait. And so it's actually summer. Time. But until then, I want to. Talk about. The stories that we tell ourselves. That we may or may not be aware of. And this. Is a concept I've heard before of having your. Inner critic versus your inner coach. And, um, I'm currently reading. Choose your story. Change your life by Kindra hall. And I love. And the, um, what is it called at the beginning of the book? The epilogue. How she talks about her love of wizard of Oz when she was younger and how she was. obsessed with Dorothy and the yellow brick road and Emerald city. And she went and saw the play when she was younger. Dress as Dorothy and on stage. Because it was like a, um, you know, like a town. Play and. On stage when they were about to go down the yellow brick road, but there was no actual yellow brick road. On the stage. She stands up. I think she, she may even like 10 at the time, but she stands up and she's like, there's no yellow brick road. And all the audience and actors. Fell silent. And her mom had to explain to her. What that. Symbolizes. And how. People have to create their own yellow brick road, but I thought that was such a. Simple way of looking at how to reach your goal because. In the book, she talks about your Emerald city being a goal that you want to achieve. And, You know, you're going to have multiple Emerald cities. You can. Add on to your Emerald city. You can have an Emerald city on. You know, in this place. And then you can build a yellow brick road and build another Emerald city. It's not just one. Big. In result it's. Uh, way of. Symbolizing like. This is something that you want to do. And when you do that thing, You know, you can continue to improve it. Or when you. Feel fulfilled with that. Goal then you move on and you create another Emerald city. And the yellow brick road represents. all. Of the actions that you take. Notice how I say actions and inactions. So you aren't laying down bricks. You get to your Emerald city. If you aren't putting in the work, if you are procrastinating, if you are. Dwelling in confusion or self-doubt. Or. You're too scared to do the thing that will help you place a breakdown. I'm talking about actions, like what are you actively doing? In order to build your yellow brick road. To get to your own world city. But it's not, it's not all about what actions you take either. It's about the. Thoughts that you think is this thought hurting me or is this thought. Serving me. And if it's serving me, you all know that I talk about the model. So our thoughts. Create our feelings, our feelings, and determine our actions, behaviors, habits, and our actions, behavior habits. Form our results. So it's not just the actions you take. It's the. Fault center serving you in order to take those actions. This is the choices that you're making. That help you move towards your goal. That. You can then lay a brick down. And. Some yellow brick roads. Are going to be longer than others. But all should have a strong foundation underneath them because. You are actively working. On reaching. Your goal. In the books. She also talks about these iceberg moments where. We create these stories. In our minds. And I think of that as, The thoughts we think. And the things that we believe about ourselves, because. Beliefs are thoughts that you think over and over again. And because you think them over and over again, you emotionally internalize them and identify with them as. This being a core belief, this being like, I am this way because of this, or I can't do this because of this. And. People don't challenge their beliefs about themselves. As much as they should. People don't are not aware of. The thoughts of their thinking. In the stories that they are creating about themselves in their minds. As much as they should. My whole thing is to like simplify the process of getting to where you currently are. To where you want to be in the future. And I want to simplify That gap. Between your current self and your feature yourself by building this bridge and I've caught it a belief bridge in the past because. You have to start. Believing in yourself and trusting yourself and loving yourself. If you want to get to where you want to go. And it's going to be a hard fucking road if. You. Try to change. These things about yourself. On the outside, but internally you aren't shifting your perspective about yourself. And that's where a coach comes into play. Because they have done a similar process and therefore they can offer help to you with. Whichever category you. Are wanting to improve. Or they can help you with, if you. Are struggling. In this area. That he gave you the tools and resources and support and guidance to help. You build your bridge. To get to your future self. bridge. And. You'll hear me say a lot of times, like, You need to become aware of what you're thinking, because. Awareness brings. In openness. For change, if you aren't aware of what's going on. You is going to be so hard to change. In order to become aware of your thoughts, you have to literally just. Sit down. And write down what you're thinking, what you think about yourself, what you think about your job, what you think about your partner, what you think about your dog, what you think about your bed? Because when you can lay it out like that, then you can go through and there's this exercise you can do. Where you have a blue highlighter, you have a green highlighter and a yellow one. And the blue highlighter symbolizes positive. The green one symbolizes neutral and the yellow one symbolizes negative. And so you go through. Your thoughts, whichever ones are positive. You highlight it with a corresponding color. Whichever ones are neutral. You highlight it with that corresponding color, whichever ones are negative. If you highlight it with that. Corresponding color. Or you can put like a plus sign, a negative sign and circle. The negative ones or whatever you want to do. And this is a good way of visually looking at. Wow. I have more positive thoughts than negative thoughts are. Holy shit. I am such a negative person and I don't even realize it because a lot of times we think in our minds, we aren't. We don't actually like say out loud. So when you look in the mirror, for example, In your mind, you could critique yourself in. Nitpick every. Thing that you don't like about yourself in your head very quickly, because you've done that before. So it was a very quick process. Versus like saying it out loud every time, but I think saying it out loud too, will help. Yourself be aware of. What you're thinking and why you think that way? That's why. When I say challenge your thoughts, like ask yourself why you think this way in this. This is what brings up your limiting beliefs. Because you tell yourself these, you think these thoughts over and over again, and you tell yourself. The stories about yourself. That this is the way you think. Your neuropathways have already been created and it's hard to change because you aren't even aware of. How you even thought these salts in the first place? And not, and not with every negative thought. Do you have to be like, Hmm. I wonder where this all came from because we have, I don't even know the number. Okay. Jillian thoughts going through our brains every day. But just with the, with the ones, like, if you don't believe that you're confident person, if you don't believe that you're a funny person, if you don't believe that you are a successful person. Or that you could be a successful person, if you don't believe that you can achieve this goal. Ask yourself. Why? Why. Do you believe that about yourself? And write. Those thoughts down and write those beliefs down. And then highlight. Is it more positive? Is it more neutral? Is it more negative? Just to visually see. How your brain is currently thinking. And you can then discover thought patterns. If you want to change something, if you are like me and I'm not a confident person. But you want to be a confident person. There's so many things you can do. To help boost your confidence. But the main thing that is going to boost your confidence is if you change the belief about yourself, and this is not writing down. An affirmation of, I am confident every day. Because again, your belief. It's not going to change. If you just write it down. You have to change the way you think about yourself. You have to change your thought, your current thought. To a new thought. And that takes time and that takes practice. But when you are aware, Of the times. When. You aren't confident. Then you can catch those thoughts. And then you can decide you have the power to decide whether or not you're going to believe this salt. Or whether or not you're going to change that thought. And it's not like. I don't think I'm confident. And then you're like, oh, I just thought that, let me just change the salt to, I am confident. Because again, that's not changing your belief. So in order to change your belief, You can go through, what's called a. Salt ladder. And that's basically getting you from your current thought to a future thought You have two. Meet yourself in the middle because. When we try to get out of our comfort zone and when we try to behave in a new way or think in a new way, it feels very. Distant to us because our brains are not used to that. And our brains don't know what the outcome is going to be of the experience or that event. So a good way to do it is to. Meet yourself in the middle. And. Bridge a shorter gap. In two segments to then.. Build a bigger.. Bridge. Because, you know, when you look at actual bridges, they have a lot of posts that hold the bridge up.. And so we need a.. Post. In the middle to help. Connect the bridges of your current self and your future self. So if you want to go from, I'm not confident to, I am confident. Then you have to meet yourself in the middle. But first let's go back to thought patterns. So becoming aware of our thoughts.'cause a lot of times we create our own stories of suffering because we are choosing to agree with the first song that pops into. Our minds, especially ones that we have thought over and over again. So, for example, like a negative thought pattern could be, I'm a terrible parent. Why can't I ever do anything right. I'm never going to be a good parent. Why am I like this? I failed again. Because I yelled at my kids today. That's a negative thought pattern. And you are going to be a very confident parent. If you are always thinking these thoughts. When you think this thought pattern. When you are in a negative thought pattern, what emotions come up for? You? Is there going to be confidence? Probably not. And so this is where writing down one of those negative thoughts. I'm in terrible parent. And then writing down how you feel when you think that thought. That is becoming aware of your thought patterns. And then you can ask yourself, how am I treating myself when I have this salt? What is the longterm value in thinking this way? Is this way of thinking hurting me or is it serving me? Is it helping me get to where I want to go. Why do I feel. This way. And then ask yourself, like, what is one of the biggest obstacles? That I face that makes me think and feel this way. So for example, if you are stressed, And you want to. Not be as stressed, then you're going to learn how to decode any situation. So then you basically leave. Emotions out of it and look at it as more of a. Data. Problem. So like you have all of these things to do, and then you practice thought word. On it, you practice. Delegating tasks, you practice prioritizing. Your once. Needs and boundaries. You learn. How to decode a situation to where you won't feel stressed when your plate. Is filling up. So the more you say, think and feel. A certain way. Then that's that becomes a story and the narrative within your mind. And with how you feel in that creates your actions, behaviors, and habits. And Kendra hall talks about. How to shift your story and shift the narrative in your mind. Because you're shifting your thoughts and beliefs about yourself. And instead of becoming your. Um, critic you're then becoming your own coach. And you're able to support yourself in this. Deals with emotional maturity. This deals with getting out of a victim based. Mentality. And. You are then taking control of. How you show up in the world and how you respond. To situations and you. Then have the power to. Choose how you want to think and how you want to feel about a certain event or circumstance or situation or experience. That's already happened. And the more times you practice. These. New thoughts and new behaviors. And the more times you become aware of, oh man, I just saw this, saw it again. Or. Man I'm feeling this way again. Why am I feeling this way? And what is one thing I can do? To not feel this way. Like for me, for instance, for that, when I know I'm scrolling too much on my phone. I go and exercise because I'm not exercising my mind when I'm just mindlessly scrolling. And so I'll go out and I'll do all ball for a little bit or walk the dogs or go for a run or something. Because that gets me. That's one step of action that I can take. cause, I don't want to sit there. On my phone scrolling mindlessly. When I actually want to like, achieve all of these things in my life, because. Scrolling on my phone. It's not getting me anywhere. I'm not laying a breakdown. When I scroll on my phone. If it's not intentional, now I do. Look at certain things and, you know, post videos and all that. So like when I'm intentionally doing that, that's fine. But when I'm just sitting there wasting time, Then. That's what I'm doing. I'm just wasting time. And I used to get so mad at myself that, you know, it's with the all or nothing thinking it's like, well, then I'm just going to delete. All my social media and not have social media because I can't control myself around social media. And that produced just inconsistent work for me in the past because I just. Got so mad at myself and judge myself when. In reality, it's just like, oh man, I'm doing this thing again. Okay. Let me not do this thing. And let me go do something else. Like, yes, I wasted an hour. Doing nothing. So now let me go do something for an hour. What can I intentionally do? That will help me get to where I want to go. Becoming aware of your assaults and thought, and patterns is so helpful because then you become aware of the stories that you're telling yourself that you are believing about yourself. And, uh, And how to help you get to where you want to go. Is you can challenge. Your stories and you can challenge your beliefs. And you can see what your limiting beliefs are. So eliminating belief is a false belief about yourself that inhibits growth to a positive thought. Or to a positive belief. Because we often hold on to things that happened in our past and carry that over into our adulthood. And once we are in adulthood, our brains are usually running on autopilot because we have developed more responsibilities and have more problems. And therefore we are thinking the same thoughts we had as a child, because that is what our brains are used to thinking. So when we had an experience or an event happened, And our childhood and we quote unquote, survive that. Event then. Our brains are like, okay. Because in the past, we survived it in this way. That's what we're going to do when we. Encounter that. A similar event. So we're going to think, feel, and behave in the same way as before, because. I know. And this is our brain talking because I know what to expect. The outcome to be, because we've already been here before. Right. It likes familiarity. It likes patterns. Our brain likes patterns. But the thought that may have served us. Back then and kept us alive. In survive that moment. May not be the same thought that we need to carry or that we need to think. Currently. So. We then need to get curious and challenge. Our own stories and narratives and beliefs about ourselves. And then we can make an argument for ourselves. As if this. Belief was not true. What is evidence supporting that your current belief? Isn't true. And then you can write out. A new belief or. Uh, new. Story about yourself. In with limiting beliefs. I like to add. Phrases like, okay. Or yet to a thought. Because. It. It's not as harsh as like I'll never be confident. I think it's much easier to grasp.. Belief of. I'm not a confident person yet. It's just the tone of how you're saying it. Um, Or say I'm not a confident person yet. And that's okay because I. Am I. Learning. How to be more confident. Or I'm learning how to change my thoughts to be more confident person. And then you can visualize what your future self once. To believe. So you have your limiting belief. What you currently believe about yourself? What story you're currently telling yourself? Then you challenge your belief. What evidence do you have to support that? That belief is true. And then you can write down things. To challenge that belief. So. Maybe there was a time. When you have felt confident before. What did you do when you felt that confidence? What are some ways you could practice your confidence? Because we can be confident in different areas of our. Life. So if you want to be more confident parent, what are some things you can work on? To improve your confidence. So you sent yourself. A goal, like I'm going to meet. One new mom this week. And talk to her. Because sometimes as parents, um, it's hard to just kind of. Get other parent friends. So you can say, I want to. Meet one parent this week. So I'm going to go on meetup.com and see if there's a moms group out there or go on Facebook and see if there is a mom group near where I live or. Maybe I see. A. Parent. I don't know, walking in the neighborhood. We met some of our neighbors because they were outside and we were riding our bikes and then we just. Starting to talking to them. So it was just like getting. Yourself to practice these new things and the more you practice them, the more. Insight the more evidence your brain is going to. Get, and the more evidence that you have to challenge your belief, like, because you can say. If you think, man, I'm not a confident parent, but I did meet one new parent this week. That is. Uh, way to challenge your belief. And then you can say, well, how did that meeting go? You know, was I nervous? Did I not have anything to talk about? Um, did I talk too much? Did I. I talk too much about myself or my kids. Like, did I not ask enough questions about. Them or their kids. Um, did I not ask for their number or social media account. Did I set up a future? Meet on time. Like go through the. Event that just happened. And then just, just get curious and ask yourself. Things. And I always talk about evaluating. So we evaluate the event. What worked. Maybe. I don't know, I'm putting makeup on and. Wearing a clean shirt. Made me feel. More confident when meeting somebody new. What didn't work. You know, that was like the, not asking them enough questions about themselves or their kid. I didn't ask for another meetup time. And the more you. Practice. And you put yourself out there and then you evaluate that event. The more. Data you're going to collect for your brain to start shifting. That. Perspective about. Your thoughts and your self-belief. I promise you the more times you do this. The easier. It will get. The more times you're going to understand what your needs are. What. Kind of parent friend, you're looking for. Um, you know, What are some boundaries like? I met this person, but. They. Crosses boundary. And I don't want to. See them again or whatever, like you start to learn more about yourself. The more times you go out and. You challenge. These things about yourself. And the more. Times you challenge. These beliefs, the more your story is going to start. To change. And sometimes even for me, I still get nervous. Because I dealt with such bad social anxiety when I was younger. Um, and lately I haven't been, but sometimes I still get nervous, especially like when it's a big group. Um, and I am definitely more comfortable with who I am. And. That makes me just. More confident in. My skillset. So I came on parenting. Skillsets in my coaching skillsets. How I enabled to manage all the things. Because I. Challenged myself. And I became aware of my thoughts and I became aware of. The thought patterns that were holding me back. And. I started practicing and implementing. A ton of different things to get to where I am today. And like, I'm still. Growing and I'm still learning and I'm still practicing. And not everything's going to be perfect and it's okay if like, You try to have a conversation with somebody and it doesn't go. Well at all, I don't know, maybe they're anxious and maybe you're anxious and both of you being anxious. Just like you say four words to somebody, but you have to think about, I did put in some effort to meet this person. Like you have to. Give yourself. Credit for. The little wins. If you feel anxious about going to the grocery store, challenge yourself to like set a timer on your phone. For five minutes and go to the grocery store. And. Walk out. After five minutes. Whether you buy something or not. And then just see how you feel and then be proud of yourself for going in to the grocery store for five minutes. It takes. Our nervous system, it takes our nervous system. Sometimes longer too. Respond in a way. That is new because. Our body responds to our thought ways. And our thought waves crane. The. The emotions that course through our body too. So when you're angry, You know, your body does something when you're sad, your body reacts in a way when you're happy, your body reacts in a way. And so sometimes when we do something. Like challenge our beliefs. And. We challenge our anxiety and we go into that grocery store for five minutes. Our body we'll still feel like it's anxious self.'cause that's what, that's, how it's used to reacting, but the more you practice it. So the next time you go in. Maybe for six minutes. And then maybe you're like, Ooh, I feel. Uh, pretty good stay. So let's bump it up to 10 minutes. And the more you practice that, and the more you show up for yourself and the more that you trust yourself in these situations. But it takes practice and it takes. Learning about your thoughts and your thought patterns. And. It takes challenging. Yourself and challenging the narrative in your mind. And when like Kendra hall says, when you choose your story, you can change your life. Because when you choose your thoughts. You can change your result. When you choose. How you want to show up and how you want to feel on a situation. You can change your. Results. When you choose. To take this action instead of this action or take this action instead of. Inaction. You can change your life. And it's just one. Practice after another. You're laying down one brick at a time to get you from where you currently are to where you want to be. And everyone's Emerald city is going to look different. Everyone's yellow brick road is going to look different. Because my goal is different than your goal. Your goal is different than their goal. Their goal is different than their goal. Some yellow brick roads, maybe longer, they may be windy or they may have. A fork in the road because. Maybe they veered off the path and then they somehow came back and. Met up with. The original. Yellow brick road. Or whatever it is like, it's not going to be perfect, but you have the power and you have the ability to. Build your own yellow brick road. And it's so. Powerful like doing this mindset, work is so powerful and it's so life changing because you make your own reality. I recently heard, like your personality is your personal reality. Your reality is. What you think. And how you feel. About yourself and about your circumstances. And like, if you want to be stuck. And negative thought patterns. And feel like you're never going to do anything with your life. That's your choice. That was my choice for a long time. Because I wasn't open to change. Mainly because I didn't really know how. To change. And then I started. Learning about all of this stuff. And that's what completely opened my mind. And my life up to. What it is. No. I love helping other people. Realize this. That you can create the life that you want to create. You can become who you want to become. And it's just. What you think, how you feel and what you do. That's going to get you there. And so in Q the new you that seat, that's what the entire course is about. Giving you. These tools and resources and exercises to do that. We can go over. So that you can understand how your brain works and how these thought patterns. We're in our forms and how the stories. In your mind. Can change with. Doing these things. And how. To think new thoughts and what to do when you take new action and. How to change a habit. From an unhealthy habit to a healthier habit. You learn about how to evaluate things. So then you can reach your goal. Then you can become who you want to become. So ask yourself, is this thought serving me or is this hurting me? And this. Scenario this event right now. As I see motion serving me, or is this the emotion hurting me? Am I. Reacting where my responding. Is reacting serving me. Or is it hurting me? Take the time. To challenge one, thought to challenge one belief. And go. Create a win for yourself. Like walking in the in the grocery store for five minutes or talking to a new parent. And celebrate that win. And then you can evaluate what worked, what didn't work or what could you do differently? You're basically breaking down. Your fears and your. Irrationality and. Your. Autopilot like your, a lot of time, our brains are on autopilot. It's challenging yourself to get out of that autopilot. So you can then control. How you think, how you feel. And what you do. And who you are in how you show up. In the world. So that is my message for you today. First, what is your Emerald city? What is a goal that you want to achieve? And what are the bricks you're going to put down tickets? You there. Okay, I'm going to wrap this up. I feel like I I don't want to repeat myself so much that it then gets. It's convoluted. The word. Confusing. So I'm going to wrap this up. And I will chat with y'all later. Okay, bye.