Ep 5 | Self-Care While Being A Mom

"Self-care is not self-indulgence, it is self preservation." - Audra Lorde

Mama’s I know we are the heart and soul of our families - we give and give to our kids, our partners, our house, our jobs, but when was the last time you really took a moment for yourself? When was the last time you felt relaxed, you felt joy, you felt great about yourself? From experience, it is so easy to get caught up in all the chaos, or comparing yourself to others, or the self-doubt, that self-care goes right out the window. But it’s crucial for our well-being: mentally, physically, and emotionally to check-in with ourselves and make sure we reconnect with who we are and who we want to become. 

I cannot repeat this enough - self-care is not selfish. It is indeed a necessity. It rejuvenates our minds, bodies, and spirit. It helps fill our cups up. When we have a full cup, we can give more to those around us. When we take care of ourselves, our cups get fuller and fuller and fuller, and we can start spilling our cups over into other areas of our lives. 

When was the last time you really felt emotionally, mentally, or physically full? Have you ever been burnt-out as a mom? Stressed? Overwhelmed? Ever felt not good enough? I've been there too. I struggled for years not feeling like myself, feeling lost, and I wasn't present as a mother or a partner. It wasn't until I was desperate for change that I stumbled upon life coaching - and that rabbit hole (6 years later) led me to a life of caring for and caring about myself. 

Establishing a self-care routine, especially as a mom, will help you: reduce stress, improve your emotional resilience, increase your energy and mood, you will start to love yourself and your body, you will yell less, create a simple and realistic cleaning routine, have more patience with kids and your partner, let go of mom guilt, and overall have a more positive mindset. And think about what this shift can do for your kids, for your family dynamics. 

It is my mission in 2024 to help 1,000 moms give back to themselves through self-care. 

Remember, you deserve the time and care for yourself that you give to others. You are doing a great job.

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Transcript

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Hi cuties! Welcome back to another episode of Cue the New You, where we dive into all things related to improving your self care game as a mom. I'm thrilled you are listening to this podcast and hopefully you are walking away with some things that you can implement in your life that will help you reach a goal. So, pop those earbuds in, get comfortable, or start your workout, and let's jump in. Mamas, I know. We are the heart and soul of our families. We give and give to our kids, our partners, our house, our jobs. But when was the last time you really took a moment for yourself? When was the last time you felt relaxed, you felt joy, you felt great about yourself? From experience, it is so easy to get caught up in all the chaos or comparing yourself to others or getting caught up in self doubt and self pity. That self care kind of just goes right out the window. But it's crucial for our well being mentally, physically, and emotionally. To check in with ourselves and make sure we are Staying connected with who we are and who we want to become And I cannot Repeat this enough, but self care is not selfish. It is a Necessity it rejuvenates our minds our bodies and our spirits and it fills our our cups up. And when we have a full cup, we can give more to those around us. When we take care of ourselves, our cups get fuller and fuller and fuller and start overflowing into other areas of our lives. I mean, think about a car. Can your vehicle go anywhere if it's out of gas? No, it can't. You have to fill it up with gas in order for it to go. So, think about that. your self care? Like, how much are you giving to yourself? And self care can look different for everybody, right? I mean, we all come from different backgrounds. We have different parenting styles and different lifestyles, and I have learned that when I prioritize my self care, then I give so much more to my family, which makes me feel a lot better. I am a more present mom and I'm not stressed out all the time and I am not overwhelmed as much anymore. And we have to remember that self care isn't always about like taking a bubble bath and lighting a candle. It's not a one time thing. Self care is a continuous journey. If you were to go back and look at my journey, and someone actually pointed this out, but it all has to do with self care. Like I thought I was changing just my mindset, and then I learned how to change habits, but it comes down to taking care of myself emotionally, mentally, and physically. And when I started life coaching, I wanted to focus on moms specifically. lIke you know how business people are always like find your ideal audience or find your niche. Who are you selling to? Well, I had resistance with niching down to just moms because I don't know. I kind of wanted to I can't honestly separate myself from that because I was, I don't know, I don't, I don't, I don't know why I was so resistant to, to helping just moms, but I have learned that too. I really want to help because I know I've been there. I've struggled. I know that. I mean, I even wrote an ebook. That says, uh, struggling, or solutions for a struggling stay at home mom because that's, that's who I was. And my first idea for creating a business was to create the Mindset Maintenance Community. That was a community for improving your life and all the benefits that come with shifting your mindset and achieving your goals. And along the way, I kept changing my messaging and changing my brand and changing who I was speaking to. But after somebody had pointed that out, I figured out that I figured out how to take care of myself and that's, what has led me to being who I am today and that's what my business and brand is about today. I Love sharing about my athletics and sharing about my travel adventures. And I love sharing about routines that are working for me for my life right now. Because routines, like life, can ebb and flow, but it still comes down to I mastering self care. Taking care of myself lets me show up as not only the person I want to show up as in business, in life, as a friend, but also as the mom I want to show up as. And again, that has been my journey over the last six years because I was so desperate for change. But what I was really craving was reconnecting with myself and actually learning how to take care of myself in all areas, mentally, physically, emotionally. And so my mission for 2024 is to help a thousand women give back to themselves through self care. And I've been in the life coaching, health coaching, mindset coaching, whatever you want to call it realm for the last six years, listening and digesting like thousands of hours of podcasts and courses. And I've been, I've invested a lot of money into, courses and programs as well. And a lot of times I hear and I see other coaches with kind of describing their, um, and I can't say anything because I've done this too, but kind of using the coaching lingo to describe their, what their business is about. And so it's like, let's ignite the ember of your heart's desire while honing in your creative neurodivergent mind. And again, like, I'm not hating on anyone's physicists because I've been there. Um, and sometimes I'll write something and it's like, I don't even know what that fully means. Like, does that even make sense? Is that even clear? And it sounds nice, but how does that help And so that's why I created the Q of the New Year course to simply break down the mindset, emotional process, and habit building for a bomb ass self care routine. And I'm scaling it way back so we can create a strong foundation to build upon in a simple way. In the previous podcast episodes, I've talked about building healthy habits in the habit loop, which is amazing, but it's an amazing self care tool. There are things you need to master before jumping into building healthier habits. And I want to get rid of as much coaching lingo and vague concepts in order to get down to the nitty gritty. And weed out all the fluff and get down to the scientific work that will actually help you implement the tools into your life. Because remember, we all have different lives. We have different brains, we think differently, and we have different ways of doing things. So I want to present to you as much material as possible so you have enough tools and resources you can use to improve your self care. Establishing a self care routine, especially as a mom, will help you reduce stress, improve your emotional resilience, increase your energy and mood, you will start to love yourself and your body more, you will yell less, create a simple and realistic cleaning routine, you will have more patience with kids and your partner, you will eventually let go of mom guilt and You'll overall have a more positive mindset and think about what this shift can do for your kids, for your family dynamics. I used to think all the time that it's too late, or like whenever a kid had a birthday, it's like, okay, this is the year that I'm gonna be a good enough mom or a better mom. And then I always thought that my kids deserved a different mom, a better mom, which is. Total bullshit. I encourage you to reflect, though, on what your individual needs are. What are you missing in order to take care of yourself? So you aren't thinking, like, I'm never going to be a good enough mom. What could you use more of? What is something you can get rid of or reduce? For example, I had to get rid of yelling. And, Feeling overwhelmed all the time. Now, do I still yell? Occasionally, but, I'm not, it's, it's because I'm not checking in with, with myself, and it's usually not what the kids are doing. It's more about how I'm feeling, and I am neglecting how I'm feeling. and as a former yeller, I assure You, it is possible to not feel helpless or not heard. You just have to shift tastics and, whoa, you just have to shift tactics and become self aware and learn how to navigate new behaviors and new thoughts. My previous podcast episodes talk about doing the inner work in order to create better habits versus starting with the outer work first. So when you get a chance, go back and listen to those episodes about habits and thoughts and especially the Atomic Habits episode, um, because that, that kind of was the last piece of the puzzle for me because I had been doing all of this mindset work over the last years that when I started really learning and, um, Um, researching habits and how to build healthier habits. It just made so much sense and you don't have to completely change who you are or how you behave right this second. I know as moms our schedules can be busy and things pile up shit happens. But just choosing one or two things to focus on each day will help you start taking control of caring for yourself. And maybe that's just getting a 10 minute workout in every other day or choosing to wake up 10 minutes earlier to have some peace and quiet before the day begins. Maybe it's journaling for two minutes in the morning as you drink your coffee. Something that you want to do. That brings some calmness, peace, or clarity into your life. Small actions can make a significant difference. Things compound over time. And when you start implementing one thing, and you feel or notice a difference, then you implement something else. And then you feel or notice another difference, and that creates a more sustainable snowball effect. Until you eventually become the mom slash person you want to become. And I want you to take a minute and think about your future self. I'm in a free class right now called Design 2024 with Samantha Ziffering, who is a fabulous business coach. And I've actually been in her program before and loved it. And um, anyways, but we had to write our future selves a letter, which for me now was really fun to do. Because I've taken the last six years to really really work on my mindset and I started becoming who I want to become. So think about what your life would look like if you had a consistent self care routine. How would you feel? Would you feel better about yourself? Would you feel better about your body? How would you show up as a mom? How would you show up at work as a partner? What impact would you make on your kids? How much more productive would you become? How much more satisfied and content would you be with your life? How much simpler would your life become if you maybe meal planned? Not meal prepped, but just planned out what you were making for dinner three times a week. Or, you learn to cook two staple meals so when you feel tired or stressed or you have an easy meal you don't have to think about making at your fingertips. Because when you take control of your well being, you become empowered. You start thinking better thoughts. You start processing your emotions in a healthier way. You start trusting yourself and gaining confidence. Your decision making becomes sharper. Your doubt gets put on the back burner because you are stepping into your ideal version of the kind of mom you want to be. Mamas, you deserve to prioritize yourself. Even if you aren't a mom listening to this, you deserve to prioritize yourself and fill your own cup up. And I know, being a mom comes with its challenges. We work with certain time constraints. Like right now, I only have a certain amount of hours I can really focus on in my business because of school drop off and pick up. I work out with my trainer each week. I actually dropped my jiu jitsu class because of time. I couldn't get what I wanted to get done work wise. spending time with The kids wise, cleaning wise, so I made the decision to pause jiu jitsu for a while. With it being winter and my kids wanting to play sports, we have gymnastics, wrestling, and basketball practices each week. And basketball games on the weekends. And in the spring, we will still have gymnastics, but then we'll switch from basketball to soccer practices and games, as well as our hurling tournaments and practices. I know many moms, and myself included, who have struggled with postpartum depression or the feeling of isolation, or just feeling anxious and worried and stressed just because they are a parent, or they feel like they aren't good enough. Emotional well being, though, is crucial for effective parenting to even happen. Sometimes, when moms who feel isolated Try to join a mom's group or make friends, it doesn't work out, making them feel much more isolated and down. And I've been there too. I will say though, the mom's group in Mt. Pleasant, SC was a total godsend. And I found a few moms in Bryson City. That were down to earth and relatable and when we moved to Knoxville, I made damn sure to get out of my comfort zone and make mom friends in Knoxville, and I found a few whom I love but I had to actively seek out and be Open to meeting new people and getting out of my own way and this is here for you, too I didn't have much help raising my kids. Like, we didn't have family close by. Um, I was always the one who was nannying and babysitting, which is fine, like I love that. I, and I still am like, you know, when COVID happened, I was like, Mom, just drop your kids off at my house and we'll do stuff. And I know, when we aren't taking care of ourselves, that burnout happens. Chronic illnesses due to stress can happen. Neglecting self care can lead to long term physical or emotional burnout. Like, I was just so tired of being tired, overwhelmed, and stressed. And the most emotionally burnt out I felt was after a year of Being a foster parent. Like, it took me almost a year to recover myself emotionally from that experience, which I don't talk much about, but maybe I will one day. But I hated feeling the way, that way all the time. Always being tired, overwhelmed, or stressed. Because it took the joy out of parenting for me. I was always so worried about, oh god, I need a clean house, or the kids come first, let me skip my meal to feed them. Like, no, I deserve to sit down and eat as well. And I'm glad that I reconnected with my love of all things European, because I read a few French parenting books that completely changed how I viewed parenting. that helped me create the lifestyle we as a family have now. It depends on the age of your kids and which stage you're in as well. I mean some stages are a lot harder than others. I get that. Uh, thankfully we haven't hit the teenage years yet so I can only speak for years 12 and below. Um, and we had our kids, like, one right after the other. So, uh, the first few years, like, I hardly remember because it was a lot. It was a lot. but speaking of parenting lifestyles, oftentimes moms are faced with a lot of pressure. And having A lot of unsolicited advice thrown at them, or getting told that you should do this and not this, and hearing and listening to all that noise can be daunting. And when you do listen to it, then you start to doubt yourself. And I don't want you to doubt yourself, or your, job as a mom. Moms are often seen as the emotional support or anchors of the family. Always tending to this scraped knee or comforting this sad child. Moms are often expected to juggle so many things at once while maintaining a clean house, being organized, eating all the healthy foods, being present with their kids, giving their partner time and attention, working, cooking meals, running the errands, looking a certain way. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. It can be exhausting thinking about all the things moms do. And when you actually think about it, it is kind of incredible how many things we can do, though. But at the same time, what are we sacrificing to do all those things? Typically, the first thing that goes is self care. At least in my experience. Because we are trying to meet everyone else's needs or expectations. Sometimes those expectations we place on ourselves, our families, on others, are unrealistic and place unwarranted stress on us. And I am here to support you as a mom and create a more flexible perspective on motherhood care, because each mama is unique. And each of our journeys are unique. You may be in just beginning the self care phase, or you may be like me and you may be a couple years into your self care journey. And that's okay. You need to meet yourself where you are. And I look forward to the new year of 2024 because I have big things planned personally and in my business. And it's my mission to help 1, 000 women learn all the things about giving back to themselves and improving their self care routines. And I can't wait to get started on this adventure with you. So thank you for joining me in this episode of Cue the New You. I hope you have found the motivation you need to embrace a new level of well being and be sure to give yourself a little hug today as well, because you are doing a great job mama. And remember, you deserve the time and care for yourself that you give to others. And if you enjoyed today's episode, feel free to subscribe to the podcast and or leave a review. and I will talk to y'all next week. Okay, bye.