Ep 7 | Getting Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Our brains are like computers who prefer to take the path of least resistance.  Often times this leads us to live a life we don't necessarily enjoy because we don't feel excited, motivated, driven, or passionate about anything. This episode goes over what is happening in the brain that makes us stay in our comfort zones, and learn how to try new things. 

Website: https://merittrollinsbrown.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/merittrollinsbrown/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@merittrollinsbrown?_t=8hC2ICTEGIY&_r=1

Transcript

0:00

Welcome and cuties, how are we feeling today? I have been trying to play catch up with all the things lately and I've been feeling kind of blah. I haven't really been working out as much and I'm running to the grocery store more often because I'm not meal planning as much. And I'm just getting caught up in all of the holiday stress, but fun and activities. Anyways. Hello, and welcome to another episode of Q the new you. I feel like I say hello, weird. Just like. Hey. Hi. Hello. I don't know. Hello is weird. I don't know why I said hello and welcome. Welcome. To another episode. Cue the new you, I'm your host, merit, Rawlins brown. And I love teaching women. How to get back to themselves and start creating self care routines that work for them. When we take care of ourselves, we feel better about ourselves and we make better decisions and we have better habits. And who doesn't want that. I know life can get in the way sometimes, and we may feel. Like we are juggling too much. Like I feel right now and we don't have time to take care of ourselves, but I promise you as someone who has struggled with self care so much for a long time, when you start prioritizing yourself, your life will become better in all areas. So for today's podcast episode, we will be talking about getting out of your comfort zone. Because trying new things can be hard and overwhelming, but. It is not impossible. Join me today. As we explore some tips and tricks that will help you learn about yourself and grow as a person that will upgrade your self care routine. So let's cue the magic. You know, what is a great practice? Getting out of your comfort zone. We know that a lot of times when you function from our primitive brain, instead of using our prefrontal cortex, When we rely on our primitive brain, we are relying on our limbic system, which. Just means our survival mode. When we use our prefrontal cortex, we were thinking with intention in making executive decisions. So, what does it actually mean when people say, get out of your comfort zone? What comes to my mind is the sink or swim analogy. If you don't know how to swim any, jump into a deepen of a pool. Are you going to sing to the bottom or are you going to start moving around until you can teach yourself the basic movements? To keep yourself afloat. Meaning. You are going to do something you haven't accomplished yet by figuring it out. So, how do you, we start doing the things that we want to do without crumbling from anxiety, fear, doubt. Confusion or overwhelm. There are a few things we need to look at that we're going to talk about today. So one is being the primitive brain and the amygdala. Because amygdala plays a big role in this. And the second thing is the prefrontal cortex and neuro-plasticity. And lastly, just a few tips on how to get out of your comfort zone. So the permanent brain is often referred to as he wrote Tilian or lizard brain. Um, but it's known as the limbic system. And it includes structures like the amygdala, hippocampus and hypothalamus, and they structures are associated with the basic survival functions, emotions. And instincts. Our. Brains are like computers. They like to be efficient. And when you want to try something new, oftentimes our brains freak out on us because it is uncertain of the outcome. Our brains rely on our past because it retrieves information of what we have already gone through in life. And it understands which reactions or survival modes have worked in the past. We don't precisely know what will happen in the future. Therefore, our brains can't pull evidence. From the feature. And know that the thing we want to try to accomplish will actually work out for us. Think of our brains, having lots of filing cabinets with every scenario. that has already happened to you. So say for example, someone yelled at you when you were young, you reacted in a hurt way, but you survived the moment, meaning that you didn't die from that feeling. But maybe you felt sorry for yourself. Therefore in the future, you will react in a similar way when a similar event occurs. Neuropathways were created then and this is the path that your neurons will follow for the next time you feel hurt. And you will most likely react in any similar way as the time before, because again, it has kept you alive. You can react again because we know that we survive that. Feeling. Or that experience. And these happenings and reactions will continue to, to develop throughout your life, especially when growing up because our prefrontal cortex is, are also growing. When you have had enough of the hurt feeling and you want to change your reaction and maybe stand up for yourself or confront the person who yelled at you because you're older. And you have had. Different experiences in your life, your brain. We'll start freaking out because it doesn't know the outcome. Right because it's different than what you did before. In your permanent brain is there to keep you safe and stepping outside of that survival mode and doing something new. Your primitive brain says, ah, no, no, no, you may die. If you react in this way, we don't know. What will happen if you react in this new way? Which I know is extreme, but that's how our brains have been functioning for generations. You're either part of the tribe or group and you survive, or you aren't part of the. Tribe or group and you, therefore you have a higher chance of dying. So being outcasted. From a group was often deadly back in the day when our ancestors. We're just trying to survive. But in modern terms, like thinking about in the movie, mean girls, I love that movie. But it's the scene where, uh, Gretchen, Karen and Regina are getting Katie ready. For. Oh, my gosh. I'm going to blank on what it's for. I think for the dance. No four. I don't know, I forgot what it was for, but anyway, they were like doing her hair. And this is at the point where Katie was trying to turn the plastics against each other. So she was trying to get. Like Gretchen and Karen to crack and, uh, Expose Regina and her awfulness. But anyways, um, it was Katie who is narrating the scene and she was saying that. You know, Gretchen is about to crack and she's not liking her life right now, but it was better to be part of the plastics and hating life than not being in the plastics at all. Um, so that is a kind of modern way to look at. Were staying in the group is. Beneficial and comforting because you don't know what will happen if you weren't part of that group anymore. Okay, but here's a general timeline of the functionality of the prefrontal cortex as we grow up. So between the ages of two and six, we are learning basic impulse control and emotional regulation. During the ages of seven to 12, you are. Problem-solving learning how to make decisions and your working memory is improving. Ages 13 to 18. Uh, the brain is undergoing some serious pruning. And when I say pruning, I mean, like, Imagine. A garden. So think of your brain as a garden with lots of plants, which would be the neurons and connections, which are the synopsis between them. And actually, I think last week I talked about how your brain is like a house. So think of your prefrontal cortex because it is in the frontal lobe. Um, so it's in the front of. Your mind house, I think is what I. I refer to that as, um, so think of your prefrontal cortex as your front garden. Right. We want our houses to look nice on the outside. To look warm and inviting. But in the beginning. Year garden might be a bit messy. With. Too many plants. And too many connections. And when the garden is a bit messy and has too many plants, you may notice it and you start pruning the garden. So you start tending to the garden and you start pulling weeds. You. Start. Um, trimming the excess plants or the dead stems off. And this is kind of what our brains do. Our brains trim the connections and synapses that are unnecessary or that we don't often use in order to make room for the more dominant connections. The older you get, the more your brain develops, the more of a gardener you become to your brain. The more you use your prefrontal cortex. And the more we do, we'll pull up in the more tiny and pretty your garden becomes. Between ages 18 and 25 is when your executive decision-making and judgment. And the ability to weigh consequences becomes significant. And like I said, this is a general timeline. Taking psychology courses because psychology was my major. I often heard that our prefrontal cortex doesn't fully develop until around the age of 25. However, you can always improve your brain's function and performance with the right practices and tools like. Especially. With emotional intelligence. Um, Like I didn't start maturing emotionally until after. The age of 25. So there's always room for improvement. So don't think. Just because you're past the age of 25 that you can't. Like change the way you think or change your habits or be able to accomplish what you want to accomplish because you totally can. You just need to learn. The right tools and practice the right things that worked for you. And one way to do this is by growing your amygdala and the amygdala plays a central role in processing your emotions, especially those related to fear and pleasure. As responsible for the fight flight or freeze response. Cheering quick reactions to potential threats. The amygdala is the thing that keeps us safe. But our modern brains aren't necessarily there to keep us alive from life-threatening situations all day, every day. For the majority of us. Right. Yeah, the brain still gravitates towards viewing the world in a negative bias because of our pre-programmed primitive brain. We tend to focus on things we are lacking versus things we have accomplished or what we are grateful for. This winds up, leaving people feeling like they are not enough, not good enough, not accomplishing enough non. Skinny pretty smart. Interesting enough, et cetera, you walk around with this mindset of scarcity and lack versus abundance in enoughness. A lot of people still feel scared and unsure of themselves when they try to do something new or if you hate your job and you want to quit so badly, but you can't quit because of fear of the unknown. and you're uncertain of what the future. We'll become holds you back. So you stay at a job you hate far longer than you ever wished. Or look at a toxic relationship. And once you've been out of that relationship for awhile, you beat yourself up. Wondering why the fuck he stayed in that relationship? And the first place for as long as you did. The brain enjoys the efficiency of how our primitive brain works. Therefore we remain in a homeostasis mode, AKA. In your comfort zone. Because it overrides the prefrontal cortex. We feel safe. Because. It likes your permanent brain. It's like a big blanket. And wants to stay on nice and warm and wants to stay on the couch, watching Netflix. It doesn't want to. Throw the blanket off and then it may. Get cold and. I don't know. It may, it just, it just wants to stay in its cozy little. Comfort zone. But a lot of times, People will feel quote-unquote safe. But then. They're barely living. I read a comment. Um, my husband and I are in kids are going to move to Spain. Hopefully next year and I'm in a Facebook group. Of ex-pats living in Spain. And one comment was of. A single 60. I think she said she was 60 years old. How she. Is living, but she's not really living life. She doesn't enjoy anything anymore. And, um, but she wants to move to Spain. That's where she's originally from. Because. There's more. I don't know, she, I guess she's she wants to be around the Spanish culture. Uh, versus the American culture. But. her comment. Stuck out to me just because. You know, Like physically, she was safe, but. She wanted to actually like live a life. And not just feel stuck where she was. Because like with her. When you feel safe, but you're barely living. Then nothing is like too overwhelming. Nothing's new, nothing's exciting anymore or spicy or sexy. Our life has just kind of life. And. Stepping out of your comfort zone will help. Elevate your life. You want to step out of your comfort zone and change something in your life. But every time you start to your head because in spin with questions. And with doubt and fear and your heart starts to race and you may start to sweat and your hands may start to shake and you feel anxious or you feel worried. And this just has to do with your nervous system. and your primitive brain and your amygdala. And. How the amygdala. Size and activity can be influenced by how frequently it is engaged. So the more. Times you engage with amygdala the stronger. It becomes. The higher functioning and becomes. For instance, chronic stress and fear can lead to an overactive amygdala. Potentially contributing to anxiety and emotional reactivity. Well, my husband and I were taking classes to become foster parents. The teacher demonstrated how foster kids brains were wired. So if you make a fist with your thumb tucked underneath your fingers, and this is how the brain should look. It's kind of relaxed. It's kind of been. You know, a. Ball his shape. But with foster kids or with kids who have experienced a lot of trauma. Their brains are what they call a flip lid, which if you make a fist and then you hold up. Your four fingers. That's what a flip lid. Brain. Looks like. Basically, it's always on alert. Because our brains basically don't relax due to the chronic stressing and anxiety. They have felt and feel throughout their bodies. So the smallest things can trigger them and then say complicated and delicate. Balance in relationship when it comes to fostering kids. You may not be because you may not be aware of the trauma that they have experienced. Or you may not know how their bodies hold trauma in or how they release their emotions. They may not know. Healthy coping mechanisms in order to release their emotions. They may not even know exactly how they're feeling. But can you imagine walking around anxious or feeling hopeless or sad all the time? Aye. And it's not, and we aren't here to compare, you know, our past or traumas. Or anything like that? Um, But I. Have definitely felt anxious and hopeless and sad before. Especially with postpartum depression and. It's taken a lot of years and a lot of work. Through therapy and life coaching. And just learning how to take care of myself and getting support from friends. To for me to not be in a state of worry and anxiety and perfection all the time. But if adults don't understand this within themselves, then it's hard to raise kids with self-awareness and understanding how to emotionally regulate themselves. This goes. With parents also not being aware of what foods they are putting into their bodies and not teaching their kids about nutrition. Which this is kind of a side note, but Rob and I went to our kids' school. Holiday party. This week. And I say this every time a Bartee comes up. At school, but I cannot stand parties at school. Mainly because it's. Of the shit. That they eat. The sugar and over-processed shit that they eat. And I'm not totally against sugar or processed foods, but. Jesus Christ. Like these kids don't need to inhale donuts and candy and cookies, cupcakes, little Debbie snacks and Capri suns in one sitting. For a damn party. I was, I was telling my husband, we tend to mimic those around us. So of all the kids at the table, right. Because our permanent brain wants us to be part of the group. So if all the kids at the table are eating. And, you know, their plate is filled with all the sweet and over-processed shit. And then our kid is going to want to eat. What they're eating. And like how the other kids are eating because Hey, they're young. And like I mentioned before, their prefrontal cortexes are still developing. Therefore, they aren't making executive decisions yet. But B, they are wanting to be part of the group but when you consume so much sugar and processed foods, The not so good stuff can cross over into your blood brain barrier, which then causes inflammation throughout the body. Which then disrupts your microbiome and the more inflamed your body becomes and the more disrupted your microbiome becomes, the more physical and mental health-related problems can occur. And. Oh, my gosh. That can be just. An episode within itself. But anyways, I let my kids eat. What they want to an extent at parties and celebrations, but. I am also teaching them that they can save something for later. Like don't come from a scarcity mindset. Come from an abundance mindset, like, oh, I can say this cookie for lunch the next day. And then you, you wake up and then you're excited because you're like, oh man, I had that cookie. Then I'm going to eat at lunch today and it's going to be so good because it was so good yesterday. Like I get excited about that. That's how I feel about my coffee in the morning. I know. Like, I don't need a drink all of the coffee right now. I can have some the next day. But this being said, if parents aren't taught about nutrition and rely on. Convenience food. Then their kids are going to mimic the parent's behavior. And so that generational cycle is broken. And see this goes, I can't remember if I talked about this on the last episode or not, but. I had to coach my kid's basketball, my son's basketball team, I should say. And oh my gosh. Like I am not experienced and game. Like that, where the kids. We're so emotional. Because her parents were so emotional. Like you. Uh, well, for me, I could tell. Who was emotionally. Mature and who was not. Same goes with the, with their kids, how their kids reacted. We're exactly how the parents reacted and it was just, it was wild. I don't even know. It was just, it was wild. Anyways. But the same goes with raising kids who are so. Aware who developed the healthy coping mechanisms. If the parents don't know how to do that, their kids aren't going to. No, I don't do that either. But okay. Let's get back on track. Okay. We were talking about the amygdala before those tangents. So the more, the amygdala is under stress and anxiety. The more it becomes suffocated and it doesn't have a chance to grow or function as best as it could. And when you start changing your physiology, which physiology is just a branch of biology that studies how various systems in Oregon's within an organism work individually and interact with each other. You start changing the way your brain is wired. And when you learn techniques that help you calm your nervous system down, like. Taking deep breaths or breath work. Or exercising before doing something really important, like a job interview. Or simply holding. Your hand over your heart and telling yourself that you are safe. Then your amygdala. Has room to relax and function at a higher level. And this is what I mean when I say the amygdala can quote unquote, grow. The amygdala itself isn't necessarily changing the size, but in its functionality, And. Like meditation is a great example. The more you meditate, the more your Magilla grows, the more you're pruning your brain. The more stressed out you are, the more stressed out you are in the amygdala. Isn't functioning. As best as it can when it's. Under a lot of stress when it's under a lot of pressure. And when it's always on alert when your forefingers are flipped up, right. And it is the amygdala, especially doesn't like being uncomfortable. But by consciously challenging and changing negative thought patterns. Associated with stepping outside of your comfort zone, you can influence the amygdala's response. Cognitive restructuring involves reframing thoughts to promote a more positive and adaptive. Mindset. It helps when you learn about your thought patterns and then you become self aware and then you learn how to. Process your emotions in a healthy manner, then your behavior changes and your habits change in your self care routine changes. And the more calm your amygdala is, the more likely you are to respond. Less negative Tivoli. To stress or anxiety. When you start becoming the Gardner. Of your brain. You will have room to plant new plants, meaning. You will have room to create new neuropathways. And this is referred to as neuroplasticity. So when I said that the prefrontal cortex. Develops by the age of 25. There's always room to plant new. Neuropathways. Neuro-plasticity refers to the brain's ability to recognize. And self by forming new neural connections. And hems law, which is a law I love and that I always. That I often refer to. Is stated as quote, what fires together, wires together in quote. So when we start thinking better, we feel better. When we feel better, we behave in a better way. When we behave in a better way. We then create better habits and better routines for ourselves. So when you want to get out of your comfort zone or become the person you want to become or accomplish big things in your life, you need to start living from your prefrontal cortex, become the gardener of your brain. And Kate your brain off of autopilot. And stop letting your primitive brain decide what you do in your life. Because remember the prefrontal cortex is responsible for higher cognitive functions and can regulate the emotional responses generated by the amygdala. So we want our amygdala. To grow. And how it grows. We have to learn. Uh, about our nervous system and how to regulate our emotions. For each person that may look different. But regular engagement or their prefrontal cortex through activities like mindfulness and cognitive exercises, like breath work. And meditation. Is linked to positive changes in the amygdala's growth or structure and function contributing to emotional wellbeing and becoming. Emotionally resilient in emotionally mature. And the umbrella for self care that I focus on has to do with that. It has to do with. Mindset and habits, routines, emotional intelligence and physical health. All the things in the body are connected. And I think it is really. Cool to learn about how, like this connects with this. And if this. Can function better than this will function better. I think it's really cool to see everything. Kind of come together that way. Okay, but let's talk about some ways. To get out of your comfort zone now. So, if you want to start working out more, try a group fitness class. And not just one class or you go once and then you are so uncomfortable that you never go back. That's not what I'm talking about. Like you can't. Go to a kickboxing class and expect to be great, or to have fun. At it, if you've never gone to one before. You have to give yourself time to embrace the change and to actually try the new thing and you have to develop some basic skills first. Remember when he go, that other people started in your shoes too? I remember when I first started Brazilian jujitsu, I had no fucking idea what jujitsu was even about. I knew it was like a martial arts, but I had no idea. What I was getting myself into. And I went one day. And I was like, yeah, I don't know if this is for me, but then my husband encouraged me to go back. And so I went back and I was like, oh, okay. And then I went back again and then I went back and I hated it. The first three months, because like nothing made sense to me. My body was not connecting with my brain. And like, I just couldn't. I do much. And I was getting choked out all the time. Like. I didn't enjoy it, but then after that breakdown, Then I had after practice and the gym. I don't know, I was kind of like, I don't need to do everything perfectly. I'm just learning this, you know, It takes a minimum of 10 years. To get your black belt. Like, and I just started, I think what pissed me off too, was I'm an athlete and usually sports center. I try, I'm like, okay yet. And what's your Jitsi? And was like, no. Bitch you aren't good at this whatsoever. So, um, So. Like, if you go to the cake boxing class, you aren't the only one who doesn't know what a high kick is or he may not be flexible enough to even do one yet. You are there to improve yourself. You aren't there to impress other people. I remember another example is I remember when I was in college, I didn't know anyone at this university. But I sat in the same seat near someone who sat in. The same seat. So we're both like front row. Students. And we began talking to each other. And. We learned that we were in the same major because we kept seeing each other in the same. Classes. But that ultimately led to a friendship. Because seeing a familiar face twice a week can bring comfort. To you when you don't know anyone in the class. But it can be so uncomfortable talking to someone you have never talked to you before, right? There's always that fear of rejection or that you will say something weird or stupid, like me all the time. That's always in the back of my mind or that they won't like you. But the more times you practice speaking to new people, the more relaxed you become, the better your conversations become the more. You start meeting new people. So if you have a class, when somebody start with something you have in common, this can be in the kickboxing class or like a class at school too. Um, you can ask them what. What they're majoring in, what they want to do with the major or ask if they had ever had this professor before, or if they've been to how long they've been doing this, CAPOX in class for. Or just compliment. Then one day. I say, I love your sweater or I love your workout outfit. Where did you get it? Um, ask them about how they feel about the first test that's coming up. And if they're nervous, then maybe ask them to go. Grab a coffee with you to go over notes. Lighten the more times you practice it, the better you will become. If you want to get better at speaking in front of people, taking a speech class will help. Uh, there's this thing called Toastmasters too, which helps sharpen your public speaking skills and hopes. You improve your speeches? You go, you meet, I think it's like weekly or biweekly, but it's a membership based thing, but you go. Two. To this place. And there is an audience here who will critique your speeches and offer feedback for you. I have been interested in doing this. I just haven't done it yet, but I had to take a speech class in college and I remember I was so petrified. To give my first speech because like public speaking is not my strong suit. But I hadn't had my speech all written out and it was supposed to be like, Five minutes long. And then I got up there and I was so nervous. I ended up talking for like two minutes. Y'all I was so nervous, but I remember before, and also this is so bad. I do not recommend this. Um, do, as I say, not as I do, but I. I remember before presentations and college too, I would take shots. And because I didn't know any good ways to calm myself down before giving speeches. Oh my gosh. It was so bad. I was such a mess, but the more times you do something, the more comfortable you become doing that thing. I got more comfortable. In jujitsu class, I got more comfortable on the hurling pitch. The longer I practice, the more I played. And by the end of the semester for speech, I was comfortable. Giving speeches. I was actually excited to give my last speech. Because it was about Annie Oakley and how I grew up hunting. And how I want it to be like her. But I remember being so excited to give that last speech because of how comfortable I felt. And how certain I fell about myself. Giving that speech. And think of the new year coming around the corner. I don't want to be like, make a new year's resolution. But think of a few things you want to start doing in 2024, think about why you want to do this new thing, what benefits it will provide. What impact could it have on your life and think about why you haven't done this thing yet. What is stopping you from doing this thing? And write out a plan for that obstacle. For example, if I want to start working out more, because I want to lose some weight and gain some muscle. So I can feel better about myself and look better. But I have tendency to always talk myself out of a workout class or just going to the gym in general because I'm nervous. So what can I do to make myself go. You know, maybe it is telling myself affirmations on the car ride there or. Calling a friend to help hype me up or get a friend to go with me. Uh, maybe it's like a reward myself with ice cream after. Class or after I worked out. But what happens if I don't start working out? What happens if my friend cancels on me last minute? How am I going to feel? What will I do? Uh, a good way to keep track of. Your goals. And obstacles and how you feel it was keep a chart or a journal. Focusing on one goal at a time you want to accomplish. And write down. Your thoughts about the goal, your feelings, how you feel now, how you want to feel in the future after you accomplished that goal. Also remember to celebrate. Your wins. So, if you want to go to a kickboxing class, Make sure you celebrate, even if you drive to the gym. Walk into that class and you're like, oh my gosh, this is so much so overwhelming for me. But then you sit back and you just observe the class. You watch one class that is still a success. Because you showed up for yourself, you went so maybe the next time. You know, you, since you observed the first class, you're like, okay, I can try it. I can try and do this. And then you do maybe half the class. And then you go back and then you're like, oh, okay. I'm getting the hang of this, watching the movement one more time. Okay. I can do it. Now or. Then you go back and then the better you get, the more you go back. But imagine doing that workout class, enjoying it, and then losing weight as a benefit. How would you feel about yourself then? When your brain is trying to talk you out and trying something new, think about your future self. What would my hot future self do? Or what led my successful future self do. Would you rather feel nervous and stuck and where you are now or would you rather feel. Excited and successful and like you're living. You're actually living your life. My stepping outside of your comfort zone and trying a group fitness class. You not only introduce. Variety into your self care routine, but also you're opening yourself up to new experiences and new opportunities and challenges. And you are going to grow personally many self-care practices involve creating and maintaining healthy routines because Like I said, your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings, create your. Behaviors and habits and your behaviors and habits are what create your results. So these routines can serve as a framework for incorporating other positive habits. Because when you think better thoughts, you feel better when you feel better, you behave better. And you create better habits for yourself. So as you build a structure around self care, it becomes easier to integrate additional habits into your daily life. Because you want to keep that feeling, uh, feeling better. So my wish for you for 2024. Is to get out there. And get out of your damn comfort zone. You. Are capable of great things. You can do it. I know you can. So thank you for joining me on this episode of Q the new you, where we learn how to elevate our self care game to build that are habits and self care routines. I hope you found some inspiration and motivation. From this episode that you need. To embrace a new level of wellbeing. Remembering he deserved the time and care that you give to others. And if you enjoy today's episode, don't forget to subscribe, rate and leave a review because I do love hearing from you. And also be sure to follow me over on Instagram and Tik TOK at merit Rollins brown. All right until the next time. Cue the new you and take that intentional step towards a healthier. And happier life. You are amazing. And capable of great things. And you've got this. Okay, bye.