EP 17 | How to Get Out of a Rut

Being in a rut can look different for everyone. Usually when I am in a rut it is because I am avoiding something, resisting, and kind of just aimlessly wandering. Going in a different directions, not accomplishing anything, and not clear on what I want. 

When I am in a rut I mentally and emotionally check out. What helps me the most get out of a rut is taking action. Doing something - whether that is going to a park and taking a walk, visiting my favorite book store or tea shop, calling a friend, cleaning just one room in my house. Getting up, stopping the overconsumption of social media, and doing something. 

When I'm doing things, the creativity juices start flowing, and then I get excited and motivated about working on this thing or doing that thing. Which leads me to creating more rather than consuming more. Then I get clear on what I want and understand where I'm going. 

So if you feel like you are aimlessly wandering around or feel like you are in a rut - neither sad or happy - then check this episode out! And let me know how you get out of ruts.

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Transcript

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One sec cuties today's episode is going to be about. How to get out of a rut. And like with most things in life. Defining happiness or defining success can vary from person to person. So defining what a rut is for you can be different than what it is to me. And for me, I. Can tell when I'm in a rut, because I'm consuming more than I'm creating things. I am not sticking to a cleaning schedule. And I've talked about. The connection between a. Cleaning routine and clean environment. And. Your mental health, and what's going on in your, in your brain? I also, when I'm in a rut, I don't necessarily. Take the time to. Get creative with meals. So it's just. Kind of not the best. Produced meals I could make. And, No kidding. As much. Nutrients that we normally get. Because I just don't want to. Think about it. And we're do it. And a lot of times I. Get. Excited for something. And then I. Work on something. For a while. And then. Maybe it's just because I am impatient and something happens along the way, and then I'm not loving the process and I'm not loving the. Outcome of that thing. And so I kind of check out from it. Which then leads me to check out of more things. Because again, the more. That you do something, the more that you do something. So the more I check out of this thing, the more I check out of that thing, the more I checked out of that thing. Um, and then it's like, I'm here, but I'm not mentally here. Or emotionally here, um, and that can have different effects on. Relationships, um, relationship I have with myself, with my kids, with my husband. With friends so I just want to kind of talk about how I get out of these ruts. I've been in one since really the beginning of the year. I always love to start. My year off, basically. Spring cleaning. Um, I love having. My house clean. Things organized. Do a deep clean. Of the house and I just did not. Get on top of that. This year. Um, our, the last half of the year for us was extremely busy and I just. Was doing so many things in. I just denied. Plan my time. Out. According to how I. Envisioned the end of my hero would go. I feel like I just am still trying to play catch up from that. And when I. Like my house has Dawn been. Cleans like that. In psych every day, that goes by. Say reminder to me that I have yet to do it. And part of me wants to do it, but the other part of me. Just hasn't. Motivation to do. It was you don't need motivation to do anything. Um, you can simply just do it. But the majority of my time, and I'm calling myself out for this. Is me just. Consuming way more. Then. Anything else? And when I say consuming, I mean, Like watching a Netflix show instead of. Cleaning or instead of taking the dogs for a walk or hanging out with the kids or whatever, And I'm not saying to not work. Netflix or. Not sit there. And consume social media. However. It's carving out the time to intentionally. Relax. And for me, if I'm over consuming, I know I am avoiding doing something. So, I'm not saying you always have to be doing something. Just. Intentionally planning your time out and intentionally. Living your life. So by all means, yes. Take time to relax. Take time to. Binge watch a show. If you need to, uh, with the understanding that you may. Need a short break, but also with the understanding. And with. Uh, plan to. Help you. Recover from the break and get the ball rolling again. Sometimes I get. So. Wrapped up in the excitement of. What I plan on doing, and then I do it for a while and then that excitement kind of wears off and in then. When I am making some progress in momentum with that. Whatever my goal is. It. Kind of freaks me out. And so there is a fear of. Meaning seen in a fear of success. That just. Paralyzes me. And then I just stopped doing the thing that I was excited about. Um, Which logically doesn't make any sense because if something's working. Then you should keep. Doing that and keep going. But for me, it's. The time for me to stop. And then it's hard to, it's kind of like going on a long run. Um, when I go on a long run or actually what I did a, when I ran a half marathon just to run on. Not part of, An actual race, but I just wanted to run a half marathon. And. Along on that run. I told myself that I'm not going to stop running. I don't care. How so I run. If my run is slower than a normal pace to walk, that's fine, but I'm not going to stop running. Because when I stopped running, it is so hard to get started again. Especially when you're tired. And. Mentally, that's how I've been feeling. And emotionally lately. So when I check out mentally, then I check out emotionally. Um, and there's some disconnect there too. And. I, Try to do certain things to help me get out of this rut. And one is just too. Put my phone in a different room. And say and tell myself that I'm going to do. One thing. So that one thing. Would be clean the kitchen. And I say, clean the kitchen. I mean, I am deep cleaning the kitchen. So I'm washing. Out the silverware drawer. Aye. Wiped down all the cabinets. I wipe out the fridge and if I need a gro grocery shopping, that's part of it. Then I mop and I vacuum. And I do. All the things to just clean one. Space. And I start with one. And if I feel. Like I can tackle another room. Then I go do another room. And then that is a reminder to me that, oh, this is why I like sticking to a cleaning schedule cleaning routine because I love. The way. My house feels. When it's clean and when it's organized. With that comes self discipline. And. Discipline takes over when the motivation is gone. And I have. Talked about this before, where. I often when I don't want to do something. Um, I've talked about non-negotiables before, like doing the dishes. Before bed. Which I'm not been doing. Lately. But a non-negotiable is basically something that. You are, or you are not going to do so another non-negotiable would be, I'm not going to eat meat. So you're a vegetarian. Another one non negotiable could be a, I'm going to walk a mile every day. Does it matter how you feel if it's raining outside, you're still going to walk. If. You. If it's late because your kid had a late soccer game that night or basketball game, whatever. And he'd get home late. You eat dinner late and you're so tired that you just want to go to bed and not do the dishes. Are you committed to. That non-negotiable. And. We all know, life ebbs and flows. And some circumstances come up that we have no control over and sometimes. That non-negotiable gets broken. But. How many days go by. Until you get back on. That nonnegotiable track. And for me, it's been. Three months. I think. Two months. Of that. But discipline takes over when that motivation is gone. So at night, I used to tell myself or ask myself. What would my future self. Enjoy. Would I enjoy waking up in the morning to a messy kitchen or a clean kitchen. And I know it. Clean kitchen. In the mornings just makes. Me feel at ease. And not stressed out. And a dirty kitchen is like, uh, I'm not going to have time to do this. And also. Get myself ready to get the kids ready for school. And then I'm always feeling rushed and behind. And. I think to that. Because I'm not on top of my things. Our kids aren't on top of. Their chores either. Um, and so it's just kind of. We're kind of in a weird limbo right now. And most of the time in the past, I get so fed up. With the mess that. I kind of have a breakdown and then I'm like yelling at the kids too. Clean their rooms and why haven't they done this? And they need to clean the car out. When in reality, I just haven't been. Keeping up with it and it's not, and it's not all on me either. Um, but it's just been a season of life where it's just. Not been my priority, although it's. Like a gray cloud. That's hanging over my head all the time, because I know. Like I said before I. Enjoy having a clean house for. The new years and that didn't happen. And it's almost spring site, man knows. I get a chance to spring clean. So I know I can get back on track. It's just when you stop running, it's so hard to get started again. So when you stop doing all of the routines that. You have been doing because. Circumstances. Change your, uh, thought negative thought Creek 10. And change the way you felt changed your action plan. And you just end up not doing what. You need to do, but also what you want to do. And then you choose to do something else that you also want to do, but that's like the. Quick pleasure route and not the. Self-discipline I'm going to do what I want to do. So for me, it would be to get this house clean. but instead I'm choosing to do the short dopamine hit quick route of. Sitting down and watching tic talk when I don't need to be. And then I sit there and then I'm like, why am I. Even doing this. When I want to get up and clean. But five minutes goes by and it's like, I'm still doing this in five minutes. Goes by, is like, I am still not doing I'm resisting. What? I truly want to do. Um, and so there's a disconnect between how I'm feeling what's going on. And. I think just clarity, clarity on what. My goals are now. Because I'm always. If you are going down a. Wellness path, With a holistic approach, you are covering your mental. Health, your physical health, emotional health. With that comes. Evolvement and growth and learning. Who I am today, isn't who I was at the beginning of the year. My goals are always changing. And. When I get down into. This rut. The my mind gets. Muddy with. A lot of different things. And when I let one negative thought. Creep in. Like I. And lazy, or I'm not. Being a great. A great mom right now. then that opens up my mind to let another negative thought come in and then another negative thought. And then it's like, Why am I even believing these negative thoughts when I've worked so hard? To shift. My mindset and my energy around. What. I believe. And. When these negative thoughts. Overrun my mind. And they run around my, in my head. Kind of like a toddler without supervision. They can get destructive. So if you leave or let's say a puppy, you leave a puppy. By themselves. They're probably going to chew on like 18 different things or. Chu they chew your favorite shoe. I remember our Earl dog, I just bought a pair of shoes and. I Le I guess I, I left them in the bag on the chair. At the dining room table. And we leave and then I come back and our dog had chewed them. So I didn't even get to wear them. So. Without supervision of the dog. Until they are trained until they. Understand not to chew this. Um, to instead to their bone or their toys. Then. I'm just letting these thoughts overtake. MI. And those negative thoughts. Ended up winning and then I surrendered to them and then. Once that cycle. Goes. That continues until. I just take the time to. Climb out of. The rut. Like I said earlier, I like to just. If I'm consuming too much, then it's a. Like social media. Detox. Or a, just on the computer. I don't get on technology. Instead I pick a book and I read a book. I try to. Create something I love. I like writing in general on paper. And I have like these big post-it notes that you can put up on the wall. And so I like. Writing my ideas or draw little designs on. The paper versus being on the computer. Um, and I think that just. Gets the creativity flowing again. So you'll see me. Be present on social media a lot, and then I'll just kind of disappear. And then I'll come back and it's because I'm going through this cycle. Of. Just, I don't think this is a word, but of un-clarity and. I'm trying to clean the mud out of. My head, that's probably a really weird analogy, but. Anyways. And so. Doing something CRI creatively helps. Cleaning one space. At a time helps kind of changing my routine. What I'm. What I've been doing in, in this. Run, obviously isn't serving me. So changing the routine. So instead of. Waking up and. Looking at my phone. First thing then. I don't even. When my alarm goes off on my phone, I hit and, and then I go in, change the laundry over, or I go upstairs and. Do the dishes. Like unload the dishwasher. Or I. Bake. Protein muffins. For us eat for breakfast or the kids can take it for lunch. Like I get up and I do something different. And the, Oh, I'm going to have to look it up. I forgot. I know it's Admiral. The William, oh, I forgot his name. The guy who talks about. Make your bed every morning. Because that is a small win for your brain. And. Our brains, like little wins. They, our brains work on a reward system. He has a cue routine and reward. And so when you make your bed in the morning, your brain is like, oh man, we just did something today. Let's go do something else. And then let's go do something else. So all of those small, what may seem insignificant, Tasks that you are doing. Over time. They. Um, Oh, my gosh. What's that word compound. Into. Living. In the way that you want to live. Because when you start doing more things than you are going to start doing more things. When you start craving the long-term. Dopamine heads versus the short term. You're going to start doing. More things. Creatively. That will. Help your future self. Or help you in the future? And so when I am dragging my feet, And I don't want to do something. Even, even the podcasts, like I haven't been all about podcasts lately. Because. Again, I'm just unclear. As to what. To talk about when in reality, like I have a whole list of things that I can talk about. But nothing is sparking my excitement or really my interest. So I have been resistant to doing. These podcasts. Episodes. Another way I get out of a rut is to, so I talked about reading, Is to go. Somewhere. New or go somewhere that I enjoy going to, uh, that could be a part that could be a place to walk. I, when I feel like I've been stuck in the house for so long, I like to go downtown to my favorite tea shop. And get a T and maybe pick up a couple of spices. To try and then that excites me. But it's. Basically doing more action than I have been doing. I overthink a lot of times I. Intellectualize a lot of times, I am sometimes too self-aware but that's also a default Which then kind of paralyzes my actions. And so I'm not doing anything. So. The opposite of that would be to just do stuff. And not think about it so much. And I know. I know it's hard when this is why I love having a trainer and personal trainer, because. A lot of times, I just don't feel like working out. But I know I have a set time. And a set place to work out. And when I get there at the, at the end of the workout, I'm so happy. That. I went. No one only because my trainer is amazing. Um, and we always have a good time, but I just know what working out does too. My mental health and then a benefit is what it does to my physical health. As well, So it's just getting out there and. Simply doing something. And it's also. Getting clear on what. Your goals are. Like, what is, what is one thing you want to. Achieve that can be defined. By a goal. Like if you just say, oh, I want to. We'll lose 25 pounds or I want to be successful or I just want to be happy. What does that actually mean? For you and how can you measure your results to get to that point? Then you kind of work backwards. So you have a goal of being happy. What does that mean? For you, how can you get there? And what are measurable goals? And you can break it down and then break down that goal. Into the new daily goals, weekly goals, monthly goals, whatever it is, how you're tracking. And if you don't understand how to track goals or set goals like that, because your goals have been. Too vague. I can do an entire episode on goal setting. Also. When I get in. These ruts. I often disconnect myself from people. And I just won't. Really. Reach out to any Barney. But as humans, we crave. Connection to with other people. So it's also me getting out. And seeing other people and interacting with other people. So sometimes I, I love this house checkout line because. I know what I'm doing and I'm fast. At the self checkout, but. Sometimes when I'm in this state, I go through. An actual line with a person just for that interaction for that short interaction. Because. Deep down I'm craving. Some kind of connection with people. In the more times you do something, the more times you do something. So the more times. I have interactions with people with the more I'm like talking to friends and I'm reaching out. Two people. Getting to. Kind of the root cause of why. You. Art in this rut. We'll help gain. We'll help you gain clarity. I know my reasons. And I talked about it a little before. Just that fear. And then after the fear comes to self-doubt and. It just. Muddies up. My mind. And when my mind is muddy. Then I'm leaving. Footprints. Everywhere. I go, the things I touch in a, with mud on them, because. I'm going in so many different directions. That I'm not accomplishing anything. So I'm just kind of walking around aimlessly. Actually not even walking, just sitting there. Not doing anything, not taking any action. If you want. Your results to change then? You have to take. Action. So. Aye. I'm slowly but surely. Gaining clarity. And getting out of this rut. And sometimes you just have to. Get lost. For a little bit. So you can reconnect with yourself and come back. To yourself. And it's not always a bad thing. But being aware of when. You are going. Through a rough patch or you are in some sort of a rut. Hopefully we'll remember. Too. Not over-consume. To create something. To learn a new dance to learn something new, to read a book. Do something clean? A I go to an art museum. And get out and do. Something. And if it gives you anxiety. I trust yourself. That you can survive going to the grocery store. By yourself. At the busiest time. And then start small. And then the next day. Do something else? And then the next day. Take another action. And then. Start. Thinking about your goals and what you want, what you. What your results? Are. And start working toward some goals. Our brains like rewards. Our brains like reaching goals. And obtaining goals. So. Anyways, I hope. That this helps you in. Some way. That's all I have. For today and. I will. Be here again next week. So. Have a great. Rest of the week and weekend, and I will chat with you later. Okay. Bye.