EP 20 | The Cost of Ignoring Problems and Urgency in Resolution

What's up Cueties!? Let's chat about how ignoring problems will not create the results you want in life, and how to build urgency around figuring out what your problem actually is. 

This is a great to reconnect with yourself and it is a way to love yourself. If you have big goals and big dreams - you should be working towards these goals and dreams! Figuring out what is in your way will help you do just that. 

Hoppy Easter!! 

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Transcript

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What's up cuties. I'm merit your host for the Q the knee podcast. Today is going to be. Kind of like a little coaching. Scenario, And it's going to be a series of questions and I will. Most likely have a. Link. Um, The questions to my website for you to actually see, and then. Answer on your own time. But I think asking questions and being curious. With our minds is a great way to just learn more about yourself and reconnect with yourself in kind of see where. You currently are. And then if you have a big goal, that you want to reach, then you can. Kind of see what is getting in your way. And. What. The underlying belief is. When it comes to that. so I'm just going to do like a little coaching scenario. And if you hear wrestling that's because. Hi. Have this written down in my notebook. So. Okay. So the first part is, You can do this one of two ways you can start with. If, you know, you have a certain problem or certain habit, like you. Procrastinate or you aren't managing emotions? Well, Or you. No, we need to do something, but you aren't doing something. you can start with. Identifying those things, or you can start with a result that you want. So if you, for instance, want to, I don't know, one of my goals. For the summer. So by June. So it's the end of March, April, may, June. So three months by the end of June. I would like to be able to run three miles in 24 minutes. Aye. Used to run a lot and. I just have not been running. I've been more focused on just weightlifting. which is fine, but I. Just want to set that goal for myself and run a little bit more. So I could start with that and then kind of work backwards to see. What is preventing me right now from achieving. That goal. but we're going to start with. Identifying problems or. Habits or what's holding you back. So this is a scenario of. Me kind of going through. Questions. And then. Coming up with answers to give an example of what. Like a coaching call. Would look like. But also use this for. Your own thing. So if I use the example of, I procrastinate. But you feel like you don't procrastinate? How else can you use this example in your life? you know what let's use? Use me as an example for this. So my problem. Is. I let the fear and the doubt take over. My. Confidence and belief. Therefore kind of all. Work. Stops. I pause. And then I don't. Take the time to. Process this emotion. And. I ended up in just going in these ruts. And I've talked about that before, and that messes up with like, then I do actually procrastinate and then, I'm not as disciplined with things. Uh, As I usually tend to be disciplined with, And very recently I felt. A lot of shame and just, I was, I've been mad at myself because of this. But. Anyway. So the problem is going to be defined as fear. And for me right now, it's just fear of. Being seen and fear of being successful. Usually it's like fear of failing. Or fear, fear of failure. But for me, it's fear of success. So I named the problem and then I can ask. Myself. If somebody was watching me, what would it look like for me to have. This fear of being seen her fear. Of being successful. And what I mean by that is what are my current habits. Actions or inactions. Or behavior. For me that looks like, definitely. Scrolling way too much on social media, definitely consuming way more than creating. And once I get into kind of that cycle of. Not creating. And I say this again, and again. The more you do something, the more you do something. So the more I create things, the more I create things and get those creative juices flowing in. I. Can I make a lot of. Really cool things. And I have a lot of really cool ideas. And then when I fall into the. Oh my gosh, what did I just say? Not creating, consume when I consume too much social media or. That means I'm just going to consume too much of things in general. So I. We'll go to the grocery store. More because I also procrastinate and I don't do a meal plan like I should. So then I'm over consuming with groceries and. I over-consume with. Filling my time with other things that I don't need to be doing. Because I'm avoiding. Working. I over-consume with. Just practicing and working out. And again, I'm not working. Towards anything. So it shows up, I, I over-consume with things. Like I'll just go to the store and ended up buying. Like five things that I don't necessarily need. I just wanted in that moment. So I over consume that way. The consuming more things can show up other than just. On social media. So one. And my goals is. Two. Open up, One-on-one. Coaching for people. And instead of. Promoting that or not permitting, offering that to people or I don't know, doing a reel or writing a post or telling people that I have one-on-one spots. I am not doing that. And part of that is. The fear of. Being seen and being successful. Like if I, because I only have eliminated. Number of spots and site. If I feel those spots, what does that mean for me? Um, which would be, I mean, it'll be fantastic. Um, but I think. Aye. I've done some really big things in my life. And with athletics. Definitely. Definitely winning. Worlds for Kamogi last summer. And. Winning MVP of the tournament. By far my biggest. Athletic accomplishments. And like, I don't know. I don't know if I will top that with anything. And so. Translate that over to my business. And. Like the ultimate success would be. I have this vision for. My four Q the new you. And so once. That. Gets accomplished. That will be. Success. And when I am avoiding or procrastinating and doing this work, because I have this vision about my business. And I'm just over here over consuming. The. He motion there is. Part of the fear of being successful stems from the belief that I have of not being smart enough, not being good enough. Because if I am successful, then that's just kind of a different belief. Like you go from, I go from, I don't think I'm good enough or smart enough. To be successful too. Then I am successful. And therefore I have to start believing, or I believe that I am smart enough. And I am good. At this. And when we try to jump from one belief to another. It is like really big weight for our brains. So sometimes I can. Our brains will freak out because it's like, well, we actually don't believe this new thing yet. And so it's just that. Bridging the gap between. What I believe about myself now to what I want to believe about myself in the feature. And working through that process. To be able. To be. Okay with success and be like, okay, what's my next thing. What else am I going to do? What else am I going to create and accomplish? can I take my business to the next level? You know, even as a, even as a coach, I still do daily. And work on myself. Um, And. But when I feel like, especially for a long time, because I've been in this rut for. Since the beginning of February, really, when a lot of my reels went to Facebook in. Some of them. One of them got 1.5 million views and another one got like 30,000 views, 10,000 25,000 views. And at that point, because I was like, holy shit, people are actually like seeing what I'm doing and seeing what I'm saying. That scared me. And so my feeling was scared. Because that belief of, oh, I'm not good enough, or I'm not smart enough to do this. Really. Showed up. And so I'm slowly getting my way. Getting myself out of that. Thinking, and I just have to remind myself that. Aye. And still me and I'm safe and it's okay. If people see me. Like this is part of it. I don't know. I guess I just wasn't. I just, I guess I just didn't think that people would like that many people would see my videos, I guess. And it just kind of surprised me. But feeling that way definitely led to me procrastinating and like pausing all a whole work. And my business and, Which then I not showing up consistently. And. Even doing these podcasts the last couple of weeks. I've just am like, So hard on myself about, about these. So I have this goal for my business and like the one-on-one. Coaching. So really how long would it take me to sit down and maybe just do a post to say that, Hey, I have this offer of one-on-one coaching and this is how I can help you. And this is how you can sign up to see if we would be a good fit. How long would that take me to. Do. Probably. No more than an hour or so. And. But what am I doing instead of that? Well, I'm doing all of these things. That then lead to, oh, I don't have time for that. Today. And then I push it off the next day. And then I do all of these things. It's like, oh, I don't have time again. I guess I'll need to do it tomorrow. And then that just keeps happening and happening instead of me just sitting down and actually doing what. I truly do want to do. But there's just that there's just so much. So much. Friction between. What I want to do. And what I have been doing. And. With over-consuming too. Comes with just lack of discipline. I just don't. I have the dry, not that you even need dry, but I just don't have the discipline. To do it. And then the more I feel this way, the more I get down on myself and the more I just push myself down and down and down. And then. I eventually get to this breaking point of. What am I doing with my life right now? And. Then it's hard to gain that momentum back. And. It's like the cost of me not. Having the skills right now to just sit down. And create this offer., Just. Goes unplanned. And if I am not. Aware of. This problem and where it stems from. So the stem or the, it stems from the belief of. I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. And that shows up as fear for me and fear of being seen fear of being successful. And if I'm not taking the time to solve. For that problem, then I'm never going to reach. The goal or accomplish the vision that I have for this business. And so when doing this, I'm allowing the negative emotions. That I'm feeling dictate. What, what my actions are. Which is buffering in scrolling over consuming. Procrastinating and just not. Again, doing what. I want to do. And the thing that I wanted to create just doesn't get done. You know, marina, my, my trainer. She's awesome. I love her. She's always like. Because I sit there and I talked to myself and she's always like, just shut up and do it. And I need to tell myself that sometimes too. On just. Just do it, but not in a, in, you know, she doesn't do it in a mean way. But I don't want to treat myself. I mean or bad when I feel down on myself, you know, it's like, If my kid felt bad. And I just. We kept telling them, you just got to do it. You just got to do this and do that without. You know, Talking to them in. Trying to figure out what's going on with them, uh, that would make them feel just. Extra bad and. I want to respect myself and. Treat myself kindly. But also. Be aware of like, I do want to get this stuff done. So when, when I tell myself like, just do it, I have. The voice of marina and my, I just shut up. Buck up and do it. kind of in like a playful way. But when I'm not creating, then I've just missed so many opportunities to connect with others. I miss. Opportunities to be creative and. Did you just learn and grow with various things and. In not. Creating. And over-consuming like, over-consuming stress a waste of my time. It is a fucking waste of my time. It is a waste of my time. And then I get to the point of like, oh my God. Why am I still doing this? And then as I okay. Hi, you made the decision right now. To do something else. And then I go do something else. And then the more I start being like, I am in control of this decision right now. And I'm not going to over consume. I'm going to go do this instead. The more that I start doing more things. And that is what. Really helps me. First figure out the problem. And then. You know, I got to go through the motions of this problem and. This is a longer stretch than usual of what. Of how I deal with like, feeling this way, but, you know, I'm processing the emotions and then it's time to let them go. And then they just. They leave. And it matters to me to solve this problem right now. There's an urgency behind it because. I don't want to be in the same place I am next month. Or even next week, I don't want to feel the way I'm feeling. About my business, about myself, about what I've been doing with my time. How I've been wasting my time. I don't want to feel like that even next week. And so there's an urgency for me to. Solve this problem. Right now. And. The cost of not solving this problem is, like I said, just. Missed opportunities. Two. Connect. With others to share my story to. Get better at. This to be. To get better at being a coach. Putting in effort, I miss putting in effort to something. I put effort into working out, But it's like, I haven't been putting effort into really practicing hurling and I haven't put effort into cleaning this house. Or even being present for the kids. Just. Kind of bleeds over into. Every other area of my life. It's. Like I said, it's like wasting my time, not solving for this problem right now. It's really got my energy down to the more I do things. The more energy I actually have. So the more I like just wake up in. Start the day. The more energy I have the more times, you know, I was bad with this, this week I changed it, but I would get up in the night, hit snooze and then I'd lay back in bed and then I'd get up. And then it was like, oh shit, I actually have to get up because the kids had to get ready and. Then it's I'm behind. And then I was like, uh, I just feel below, I start my day off like that and that, and that I just don't accomplish much else. Throughout the day, because I woke up in that state. and so like if there's no urgency to solve it, then why. Bother solving it, but I see the possibility of. Who. I want to be in, I can be that person. If I. Can. Do this. Thing in my business and, accomplish what I want to accomplish and just not. And not just in business either. So. You have to ask yourself that. To like, what are you losing out on? If you. Aren't solving for this problem. What is. Not happening for you. That you want. To happen because. Sometimes we don't even know what our problem is. Right. That's why it's so good to have a coach. But right now, like where is your time and your energy and effort. Going into where's your brain space. Going. For when you aren't achieving a goal that you want to achieve. I want you to just. Think about something that you would. Like to do like to accomplish a little goal that you have maybe a big goal that you have, And see. What comes up for you? If you ask yourself these questions, like what. Problem. And I having right now, what. Negative emotion and my feeling around this. And what am I doing? Instead of working towards. That goal and having a clear, defined goal or result. We'll help you create a clear. Path to reach that goal. And also, this is a great way for you to see, okay. Take my video for example. So when another video gets a million views and I feel this way, What. Can I do. To kind of get out of this cycle. Faster than the first time. And so it was also. Kind of planning ahead of time. How you can feel and what you can do. To offset like this long rut. If you ever get in ruts. But of course you want to hold that space for yourself and not beat yourself up. And show up with. Give yourself grace. and not be mean to yourself. Not reprimand yourself all the time. Like, why can't you just do this? cause that's not living. Ourselves. And we want to focus on just reconnecting with ourselves and learning to love ourselves. And this is just a process. Loving yourself as a process., but just think about if you accomplish this goal. How would that impact you? How would that impact your life? If you have a family, how would that impact your family? And seeing where it kind of bleeds over into other areas of your life as well. All right. I hope you all liked kind of this version. Uh, the episode, but it's Easter weekends. So if you celebrate that. Happy Easter. And, um, I got to go pick up my kids from school and I don't want to be late. So I'm going to wrap this up and as always, you can. Message me on Instagram or Tik TOK, merit, Rawlins brown. And I'll talk to you all next week. Okay, bye.