EP 21 | Believe to Achieve: How the Stories You Tell Yourself Impact Your Life

The stories we tell ourselves are equivalent to the narratives that shape our perceptions, beliefs, and our realities. These stories are not merely idle thoughts but powerful constructs that influence how we interpret events, make decisions, and navigate the world around us. They often stem from a combination of past experiences, societal influences, and internalized beliefs.

Our inner dialogue, or self-talk, plays a crucial role in crafting these stories. Whether positive or negative, our self-talk can reinforce or challenge the narratives we construct about ourselves, others, and the world. For example, someone who tells themselves they are capable, worthy, and deserving of success is more likely to approach challenges with confidence and resilience, while someone who internalizes negative self-talk may struggle with self-doubt and limitations.

The stories we tell ourselves also have a profound impact on our emotions and well-being. Positive narratives can inspire hope, motivation, and a sense of empowerment, while negative narratives can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and self-sabotage. Recognizing the power of our inner stories allows us to cultivate greater self-awareness and agency in shaping our lives.

Ultimately, by becoming more conscious of the stories we tell ourselves, we can actively choose to rewrite and reframe them in ways that empower us to create the lives we desire. In order to achieve the life we want to live, we have to first believe in the possibility that we can achieve the life we want, but also believe in ourselves.

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Transcript

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What's a cuties it's merit your hosts for the Q the new podcast. And today we are talking about. Stories and what we believe. I have mentioned reading Kendra Hall's books, choosing. Your. Story change your life. And, A lot of what she talks about is what I. Reference and go over in. Keys, any, you course. And a lot of that has to do with just the kind of psychology behind. Our ancestral brains and how our brains have pretty have been pre-programmed because. as humans, when we were evolving, we had to. Make sure that we survived. And with that comes with the negative. Bias confirmation. And that also comes with the self fulfilling prophecy. because we. As. Humans back in the day. Had to figure out if. That sound in the woods was a predator going to hurt us or. Something falling on the ground or something like that. So we were always on alert, always looking. At more of the bad things that could go wrong versus the. Good things or things we should be grateful for. That. Leading up to modern time. We still. Kind of go through that same process. And, when we get. So used to uncomfortable with just believing these negative things. Either things that we tell ourselves, or somebody tells us something negative about ourselves, that we. I just believe that to be true. Maybe because we felt something similar in the past or an or childhood. And so it's just a familiar feeling, in a familiar way to. Basically survive just to hold on to these negative emotions in these negative. Events that have happened in your life. A good example is. When. If you post something on social media. And you get a lot of positive comments. About it or say you paint a picture and he posted online and. You get people who were like, oh, I love that painting so much. A lot of times, especially like if it's something that I did. I brush those off and I'm like, oh, It's the negative comments or the criticism. That. Really sticks. Especially for me with me. And I was like that one person didn't like it. Why does that bother me so much? But it's just kind of, because. Of this negative. Bye as confirmation So how we get around that is. Getting out of your comfort zone, just. Understanding and knowing that who we are. Today. Is not who we were in the past or when we were younger. And like, we have a choice. To decide on what our story is in life and what our story is about ourselves. so if you want something in life, then how are you going to. Achieve that thing. Can you achieve that thing with the stories that you're telling yourself about yourself? So for me, a lot of times, Is. Self-doubt like, I can't be that successful if I am still hindered by self-doubt. I think first, the first step you can explore. With gentle curiosity is, is it even possible for me to believe that I can achieve this? Like it. I was talking to my husband this week in it. Kind of comes down to like, do I even believe I deserve to have this good thing? In my life. Just because growing up, I just didn't feel like I necessarily deserved. Anything, And so I carry that. Into. My business. And then that affects the way that I think about my business and how I feel. And. That influences what I do or don't do in my business. because it's just a story that. Aye. Have just believed all of these years that I don't deserve nice things. More to be able to like, achieve this. Dream of mine. And that. Can look different in other areas of my life too, without. Like from an outside perspective, you wouldn't. Seeing. That was my underlying. Problem. If that makes sense. It's like, how, how can we transition from. We believe. This about ourselves or this about our lives. And how, how can we change that story up? That would benefit us. The possibility to believe that you can achieve this thing or to live the life you want, or be the kind of person you want to be. With a possibility. You can ask yourself. A few questions. Like, what current thoughts do you have about yourself? And where do you think those thoughts. Stem from. Are those salts serving you today? Are those thoughts? Going to serve you in order to achieve. The dream that, that you want to achieve. How have these thoughts have an impact? On your life. So when you. If you believe this thing about yourself, how has that impacted your life? Has that. Helped you make progress towards the thing you want to achieve or has that hindered you. How would changing these thoughts impact how you show up in your life? So, I don't know if you have a weight-loss. Goal. How would changing the thoughts that you have about yourself? Show up in your life. If you have a fitness school, like you want to run three miles in 24 minutes by the end of June. What thoughts don't do you need to change? In order to achieve that goal. And how, how would it impact your life? If you did achieve. Your dream goal. How do you think you would feel. W what would you have to think? About yourself. How would you think about yourself if you achieve that goal? If you can make wave a magic wand and say, this was my biggest dream ever. And it was handed to you. How would that make you feel? So, if anything were possible in your life, Describe your. Ideal life, your, your ideal. Lifestyle. And then you can kind of compare what. Current things you think. To your, if anything were possible, describe your ideal life. What that looks like in the more specific you can get the. I think just the better. It will be to compare and to see, oh, This is definitely something that I need to work on and improve in order to. Get to this ideal. Life. So it's a good way to see like where you currently are to where you want to be. And then you can start to bridge that gap. Bye. Understanding that. Just because you've told yourself this. Over the last 20 years, it doesn't mean that it's necessarily true about yourself. Um, and that is just the journey of reconnecting with yourself and then learning to love. Who you are. And. Live life. Like you love yourself. And you can also think about what has worked for you in the past. So if it was a weight loss, Goal. If you had lost weight in the past. Hopefully help slowly and not. Like I lost three pounds because I didn't eat this week. Not that. But if you've done, I don't know, like the keto lifestyle or. You cut out sugar for two weeks or. Whatever. Whatever it is you, maybe you exercise more because you have more time and you had. Unless responsibilities because you were a student who had a gym. On campus or whatever, like before kids, whatever it was, um, like what has worked for you in the past? And then think about what has not been working for you. Currently, if you have not achieved a goal that you want to achieve. And I like to ask the question, what would happen if you showed up? As the best version of yourself every day. And. The best version also does not mean the perfect version of yourself. I like. Using. the life wheel as an example. And so you rate from one to 10. Different areas. Of your life. And if you've got all 10 areas, Are all areas as 10. That means you would have the quote unquote perfect life in that doesn't necessarily mean. It's your best life. Um, it varies from person to person and. So the best version of yourself for me is. Like have you. Have I learned. How. To heal and have I learned how to manage my emotions in an effective way? Have I. Learn how to communicate, um, in ways that. Not only benefit me, but also benefit like my husband, for example, because we don't communicate that. Well, Most of the time. So it's. Learning how to be. So in that situation, it's like learning how to be vulnerable. And allow myself to talk about things that. Maybe I don't necessarily want to talk to him about. And so the best version of myself is. Showing up in that way and not. As like, oh, I can. Communicate in this way, every single time. So. What would happen if you showed up as your best version of yourself every day, what do you think? And if, if you aren't showing up as the best version of yourself, Ask yourself. How do I treat myself when I am not loving myself? And for me, that's. Withdrawing. Being antisocial. Getting frustrated and getting down on myself. And I just, I don't take care of my body. Like I would like to, um, I don't, I don't know why water is like the first thing to go. If you know me, you know, I carry like 18 water bottles with me, but. When I'm feeling in a phone call a certain way, and I don't, and I'm not loving myself or taking care of myself, mainly because I'm not dealing within emotion that I need to deal with. Then I. Just won't drink water. I know, I think subconsciously, like, I know I need water and so if I don't drink it, then it shows a form of. Self-sabotage for me. Um, and then when I don't drink water, then I get headaches and then I get really, really irritable because my head hurts him because I'm thirsty because I'm dehydrated. So I was just not a good cycle. But it's certainly a pattern for me. So it's like, So how. Do I treat myself when I'm not loving myself, not in a very good way. So maybe if you, how was your life look like if you. Treated yourself with love every day. Well, what happened if you believed in yourself? Or if you believed in the power of. You achieving that goal? What would you get done if you had. Energy. If you had more energy, a lot of times I know some of my clients in the past. I feel like they just do. They try to do things, but they. Are running on empty, they're running on fumes and they are just trying to survive, which means that they aren't. Thriving. Because their energy is so low in. When I was in my twenties as a stay-at-home mom, that's how I felt. Just like a no energy. Because I was giving all of my energy away to these two, my kids, um, basically everything else except myself. And. I mean, it may. I may have gotten a few things done, but like mentally and emotionally, I was completely drained because I wasn't filling up my own cup. You know, it's like, So I haven't a car. You can't drive a car if the gas, if you don't have any gas in the tank. Right. So you got to stop. Sometimes it's you put$5 in because that's all you have other times you want to fill that gas tank up. And it's like, how much further does a car go when the. Tank is full of gas. So thinking about yourself in that way. Are you. Taking care of yourself. Are you loving yourself? Are you. Taking care of your emotions or. Healing from things that. You may still feel hurt from or shame about, or, Do you need closure from something? Like what. What is showing up in your life that is draining your energy. And then think about what is not getting done. When you think you don't have the energy. So I give you one achieve this big goal. What is not getting done? Because you just don't have the mental capacity or the physical. The ability to. Do whatever needs to get done. And so at that. How can you create more time in your day? That really. Centers around self care., I know. I know for me, I felt. Under. Appreciated and overwhelmed with. Everything that I was trying to do and holding on to certain identities that I didn't need to hold on to and all of this stuff. And. Aye. Again was not taking care of myself. And I just was like, I don't have time to take care of myself. And then things really changed one on carved in time to take care of myself. Which meant, like waking up a little bit earlier, having. Alone time going for a run. Without music and just so I could think, what is something small that you can start doing every day to make sure that you. Are taking time to fill your cup up. Because when you're in service with yourself, you're in service for other people. And with that. What. Feelings. What emotions are you avoiding? What. What is not getting resolved in your life. Um, I have a friend who. Once to create this change in their life but they aren't. There's they're kind of solving the wrong problem. Which means that they are avoiding, dealing with something that is going on. And the more we resist something, the more we resist something. Kind of like the more you avoid doing something, the more you avoid doing something. Again, this is just like gentle curiosity. So it's just asking yourself these questions and then. Thinking about it. And if you, if an answer comes to mind, ask yourself why. Am I avoiding that? How do I not avoid it? Or write down how. How am I avoiding things? For example, that could be, you are taking action. So you're overworking or you're over consuming near your scrolling social media. With no intent for hours. Um, or you make plans, but then you don't follow through with them. So like, how are you avoiding? In your life. How do you deal with stress too? I know when I avoid things and it's eventually stresses me out and. because I feel guilty for not doing the things that I want to do because I'm trying to avoid this. Negative emotion in when I avoid it, I'm not processing it. And therefore, if I don't process it and then I can't let it go. So I just kind of. Billed. Stress up. Little by little over time until. I get to the point of frustration and then it's like, Then I get really mean to myself. Then I get stressed out like about everything until I ended up dealing with what I need to initially deal with. So in a lot of times, I, it comes with a avoidance, comes with me. With being withdrawn. That is. Definitely a coping mechanism. That I have in a is not serving me in the ways. That benefit me. Anymore. I am kind of working through ways to not withdraw. When. I'm feeling a certain way. And. With that over the past. Month or two, if I were to value my time. What I was doing was not. What. I would have liked to be doing, um, Because again, I was just caught in this thought loop in this story of, I'm not going to be able to do this thing because of this. And therefore I'm going to do this instead. And then I'm just kind of spinning on my own hamster wheel over here. When I could have just stepped off. Dealt with what needed to be dealt with. And then. Gone about my way, although You know, some things take longer to process than others and that's okay. So if you have this. Dream or this goal that you want to achieve. What kind of person would you be if you didn't give up on it? What are some of the qualities or characteristics you would. Develop if. You were going to achieve this dream or this goal? And then the next question, who do you have to become in order to achieve your goal? And again, describing your future self in detail. And remember if anything were possible. What would your dream life look like? And therefore, what was your. Ideal self. Look like, and when I say look like, um, Not. Physically, but. Who that's a who. You would have to become in order to achieve your goals. So who are you in the future? A lot of times, We just get so caught up with believing our own bullshit and our own. Stories that just aren't serving us anymore. Andy. You have to learn how to bridge that gap and bridging that gap to help you. Like how I was talking about processing emotions. It'll help you process your past in a way that. You can let go. And that is. The healing part of the journey. And figuring out what. Things you need to heal from. And. Learning to not avoid those and learning to. Tell yourself a different story and. Believe in yourself and believe that it is possible for you to live the life that you want to live and be the person that you want to be, have the relationship you want to have, have the house you want to have. Show up in a way. At work you want to show up as. And it's all about just. Becoming aware of your thoughts and your beliefs and working on reconnecting with yourself and learning to love yourself. Again, and knowing that. You don't always have to be in survival node and. Think about things that aren't serving you in your life anymore. How are you talking to yourself on a day to day basis? How are you feeling about yourself, about your life, about your job, about your relationships? Uh, about your house on a day-to-day basis. And if anything doesn't feel. Good or great. Y. And just explore. And if you want to achieve this goal, what stopping you from achieving this school? The more questions you ask yourself, the more your brain is going to get to work because our brains love. Problem-solving sometimes we saw for the wrong problems though, because that's what we're comfortable with. And so learning how to get out of your comfort zone and doing something new and. I don't know, asking a new question, creating a new answer for a question. That you've asked yourself before. It's beneficial. So the more you practice that the more your brain will start to work in the more. You will become aware and once you're aware of something, Then. You really have, I mean, you always have a choice. You don't have to change it. But for me, if I'm aware of something, it's like, oh shit. It's like always in the back of my mind. And therefore I ended up changing. The thing, because. It's just always. Present in my mind until I started to change. And then it goes away. So. This is just a. Little. Curiosity investigation. Episode and. Really asked yourself. What stories are you believing about yourself? In with these stories help you get to where you want to go help you become who you want to be. In the future. Okay. And so that's all I have for you for today. We are. Last week was Easter and that was a. Fun time. I felt like I was just driving all weekend, but it was worth it. And we saw family. And I think the kids had a lot of fun too. It was nice kind of having a four day. Weekends. Especially because I started spring cleaning finally. I always like to spring clean, um, at the end of December, just to get the year. Feel like I'm I have my shit together at the beginning of the year and I just have not done that. I haven't done it. And so. I'm on the last leg of like really organizing. And cleaning everything and it feels so. Good to be almost done. And if you want to hear another episode about decluttering and how that kind of mimics what's going on in your mind? Um, I think it was episode two or three of this podcast that I did, um, That's been a pretty popular one. So, if you want to. Go listen to that. Go listen to that. I'm excited for this weekend though, because. We are headed to Charlotte for a hurling, slash movie. Workshop. So we're going to be traveling again this weekend. I feel like I'm going to be gone every weekend in April, but it's okay. I'm doing things. I'm doing something that I love to do. So. I can't really complain. About it. Okay. Anyways, I will chat with y'all next week. Okay. Bye.