Ep 22 | Why Affirmations Aren't Working

The reason why affirmations may not work for you is because you don’t believe in the possibility of them to be true for you.

You may want to “feel confident” To “feel happy” to “feel beautiful” to “feel a sense of purpose” to “feel secure” but simply repeating them over and over again isn’t going to change your results.

Affirmations may not have an impact because of your lack of belief due to doubt or discomfort. Your negative self-talk is persistent. Unrealistic expectations can lead to inconsistency, which then creates a lack of action and emotional connection.

You have to develop some self-awareness and openness for affirmations to work. You need to combine possibility, belief, self-trust, and action to create alignment with the affirmations.

I can help you with that!

Hobby Horser TikToker: Danae Hays - https://www.tiktok.com/@danaehays?_t=8ldkSMfQd2J&_r=1 

Website: https://merittrollinsbrown.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/merittrollinsbrown/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@merittrollinsbrown?_t=8hC2ICTEGIY&_r=1

Transcript

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What's up cuties. I feel like I haven't. Talk to y'all in awhile, even though. It was just a couple of days ago. We've been. running around. Enjoying this nice weather. We had hurling practice over the weekend. Oh, we went to the horse race, so I grew up in South Carolina and. My family and I always went to the Carolina cup, horseracing Camden. And we also into the colonial cup. And when I had kids, I was like, oh man, I can't wait to bring my kids here because like I just enjoyed. Going to them so much, love to watching the jockeys, get ready and watching them warm up. And I actually met Davey Jones. From the monkeys. They're one year, because I believe he owned a horse. And it's been almost 10 years. I think it has been eight years since the flood happened in Columbia, in my parents' house got destroyed and they ended up moving to another state and, So aye. Never took our kids to the Carolina cup. My parents invited us to go to the try-on horse race in North Carolina and, that was a lot of fun. It was definitely different than the Carolina cup. But we still had a lot of fun. The weather was great and we had a really good spot. And my kids really enjoyed it. they also had, which is so random. They also had. A kids' area with activities and they had hobby horsing, and you could actually buy like a hobby horse, which is You know, the. Horse head on a stick that. You had as a kid. And that cracks me up because there is. A tick talker. But I follow who's so funny. I'll add her to talk to, the description because I forgot. I don't know what her handle is. Anyways, she does a series of hobby horsing, and I crack up every time I see it. And I was giggling to myself. Thinking about her videos. As my kids were trying hobby horsing. So we did that and that was a lot of fun. And then we had hurling practice and. I'm actually getting ready to go to New York this weekend for a really big Kamogi. Tournament. with. Commodes from. All over and we are combining forces and creating this amazing team. So we shall see how that goes. I. Usually get really anxious and nervous before. Tournaments like this. Mainly because a, I don't know what to expect B our brains don't like uncertainty. And therefore, since I don't know what to expect. Everything's uncertain. And see, because I usually don't my abilities and I get really. Down on myself for. Being doubtful and not being confident. And I been talking to one of my friends about this, and then another teammate said he said, leave yourself criticism at home. And as y'all know, that's something that I have struggled with. But I'm working on. I've also been talking to my husband. And it was like last week. Actually he, so he listens to motivational podcasts and he sent me a couple and I listened to them and then I was like, oh, okay. I like these. And, I forgot. I don't know which one it was, but. One of them was talking about belief. And if you've been on this podcast journey with me, and if you've been through like my life coaching journey with me, then you know that I just changed things up a lot. And one of the main reasons is because. I've been searching for how to. Speak my voice and speak about what I want to speak about and what I'm passionate about. And what I know I can help people with. And. All. Other things that I've tried, just comes down to believing in yourself. Because if you don't believe in yourself, then. And you aren't going to achieve the goals that you want to achieve. I mean, you may, but it's going to be rather difficult in my opinion. And building that self-belief and self-trust up will in turn. Help you reconnect with yourself and help you love yourself. And you will allow space for grace and for letting go of shame. And. You'll push past. Your fears and your doubts and push past discomfort. And you'll start growing and you'll start transforming your life in the way that you want to live. This feels, Very aligned with me. And I think I've just been on this journey for three years building this thing. To be able to, it is right now. And it was like last week. I had this mental shift and, you know, I've been in a rut and. It kind of all connected for me and. It was. A moment. To where. I really. I was like, why am I still holding on to these. Negative thought patterns in this negative. Cycle. Like, why am I not believing in myself? And it's stems from these fears and, So what I did. A couple of days ago was so. No con. he's. One of my favorite artists. I never skipped a new, a con song. All of them are. So great. And one of the songs, passenger. The very first lyrics are. I think I found a way to keep myself whole, all right. My fears on green notes, I swallow my doubts away and watch them grow old. Is that why the past year seems slow. That's been in the back of my mind for, I mean, just months. I literally went and bought green. Paper. Lined paper like legal pads, but green. And I said, all right, I'm done feeling this way. So I wrote down. My fears. And I walked out inside. And I let them on fire. Once. I get that out. Especially out of my head because I intellectualize way too much way too often. Um, which then hinders me from taking action on something. But once I did that. It's like, oh, Okay. Now, moving on. I wasn't a big deal. It helped me let go of what has been keeping me back. And that ties into that was a really long intro, but that ties into what I wanted to talk about today, which is, um, Why affirmations aren't working.'cause I know a lot of what people teach or what I've heard are, you know, do affirmations, writing affirmations down is like, I am smart. I am pretty, I, the, the quote from the health always comes to mind. I. Where she says, you is kind, you is smart. You is important. That's what it is. So, if you already that as an affirmation, you would say I'm smart. I'm kind, I am important. And when you write that. If it feels uncomfortable and. If it feels weird. To write that down. It's because you aren't believing. That to be true. Yet. Like, if you stand. If you've walked around, not liking your body for 5, 10, 15, 20 years. And then you start writing down. I love my body. I'm so beautiful. Um, I love my legs. I love my arms, whatever. And if you write that down over and over again. You may feel a slight change, but unless you are taking. Action on that. And unless you. Have an emotional connection with that. And if you. Believe. That. Those. Affirmations are possible for you to believe. Then those affirmations will be impactful. But if affirmations are not working for you, it's because you. Don't believe in the possibility of them. To be true for you. You may want to feel a certain way, like feel confident or feel happy, feel beautiful, feel a sense of purpose. Feel secure. But simply repeating them over and over again. Isn't going to change. Your results. Affirmations may not have an impact because of your lack of belief due to. Your doubt or fears or discomfort or in such. Certainty or confusion or your negative. Self-talk. Is persistent. Um, you may set unrealistic expectations, which lead to inconsistency, which then creates a lack of. Action. And in turn creates a lack of emotional connection with yourself. Because you weren't open. Two. The possibility of believing. That statement to be true about you. Doesn't matter how many times you write it down. For some. People. For other people who. You know, we all think differently and we all. Our brains are wired differently. So, this is for those who. Want to feel a different way about themselves. And they've tried and trying things and nothing really seems to be sticking and nothing seems to be. Changing. This is probably why. And you have to develop some self-awareness and openness for affirmations. To work. Because you're opening up your mind to. Create new thoughts and you're going to be self-aware of. You're negative. Self-talk. And then you're going to be self-aware of your negative self-talk and then have a plan to shift. That perspective. Not necessarily jumped from negative to straight positive because there is like, This notion of over positivity. But it's. A gradual shift of I not liking my body. And I haven't the last 15 years. But I can get to a point to where I respect my body. Right. So respecting your body is different than, oh, I love my body. So you're making gradual shifts from. Not liking your body to respecting your body to then. Being open. To the possibility of then loving your body. And, you know, insert whatever else besides body into it. Because you need to combine possibility and belief and self-trust and action to create alignment with the affirmations that you are writing down that you've been practicing. If. Also your affirmations may be. Really vague or just general. Which then will not resonate. And if. Well, not resonate. An emotional connection to you. Uh, he may see some money online. Right? I am smart. I am funny. I am kind. Whatever they write down and then you kind of mimic what they are writing down. And it may not resonate with you. Because it doesn't fit your individuality and it doesn't. Fit your specific. Needs or your specific things that you want to change? So you may need a personalize, your affirmations, more that address. Your specific challenges or goals? And that could be more impactful. So also getting clear on what your goals are. But also. Having self awareness of what your challenges are. What's been getting in your way from achieving those goals. You may also just have emotional blocks from past traumas or. Um, Maybe you've been trying to solve for the wrong problem. Maybe you just have unresolved. Emotional. Damage that you are avoiding and right. The more you avoid something, the more you avoid something. And so maybe you just need to deal with. And underlying emotional. Obstacle. And you may need to do that before practicing. The art of affirmations. And with any like self-growth or self discovery. Wellness journey. However you want to call it. Tanks. Time. And it takes patience. Because I hear this all the time. It's not. An overnight process is not an overnight. Shift for me. When I send last week. A switch change it's because I've been dealing with this for a very long time. And. I have worked on myself for almost a decade now. so it's been like 10 years in the making. So when I say. It was a switch that went off. It's been stuck halfway for a very long time. And I think that was just the end of. That era. And it's because. I have worked on myself, belief in myself. Trust. And myself. Love and. I've been taking action that aligns with. Those. Behaviors and. For writing affirmation stone. It's your job to explore. Y you aren't believing. In the end goal. So when you're writing affirmation stone, And you aren't believing and there's no emotional connection to it. Where you think it's hard. To come up with one or. It's not aligning with. Who you are, or you aren't being consistent with it. Then you need to start looking at your limited beliefs. And that's what I work with. My clients. On we figure out what. Their goal is. Figure out what stopping them from achieving that goal. And the. Underlying cause of it, most of the time is they don't believe in themselves and they don't believe. That they deserve. To reach that goal. They don't believe. That that goal is possible for them. So they're closing themselves off from that change. And from that opportunity, when I work with clients, one-on-one then. We. Create this. Individualized plan. Um, and. We said mini goals. And then when we come back each week, when we evaluate what worked, what didn't work. What they could do differently. And. Each week, they are making progress and making strides towards their goals without falling off the belief wagon, because with every success comes with failures. And so I am there too. Support them. And. Help them. C. Pieces. That are missing in their puzzles. And help them connect all the pieces together. And this is what. This me feels right, because I know I've struggled with this for so long. And it's always been part of. Q the new you. I just didn't really know how to articulate it. Until recently, like, like I said, everything just kind of clicked. And it's been a three year long process of this. Because it comes down to you. If you don't believe. In yourself. You don't believe you are good enough. You don't believe. You are worthy enough. To achieve a goal. Then you won't. A friend sent me. Sent me a message and. I don't know if it's a quote, but let me see if I can find it. Let's see. I can't find it. So it was like, you can't be mad. At the things you have not done. Or something like that. So you can't be mad at yourself for not getting a. Result or for not achieving a goal. Because you haven't done the work. You need to figure out why you aren't doing the work. To achieve that goal. And that takes again time and then it takes practice. And that's why working with a coach can be vital and can be impactful and been beneficial for you you know, it's like, Having a soccer coach. You may get better on your own, but it's so helpful to have. An outside perspective, somebody who. Has had experience and. Sweeney, who knows how to make. You better? To improve your skills because you may think you need to work on your speed. When really you need to work on your technique first. Or something like that. Because I know for me, I. I'm the only one who gets in my way. All the time it happens all the time. So it's nice having coaches. Around who can help you and support you. And I know. Most coaches that I've worked with, that I know. Have coaches. Because they have goals and they have human brains and. They think the same. Way that we think. And so they have this big ambitious school. That they're trying to achieve. Then they go get the support. That they need in order to achieve it. And that's that. So the next time you're writing down affirmations, or you want to try writing down affirmations. And it's just not vibing with you. It's not aligning with. With who you are, maybe it's. What you desire to be. At some point in your life and if you are writing it down and you don't believe it. They need to ask yourself why. I need to start. And covering what's there. What fear is there? What doubt is there? Y you were thinking that way. Why can't it be possible for you? To believe in that affirmation. And just get curious. I like to call it is gentle curiosity. And start asking yourself questions. And then see what comes up for you. And like I'm here as a coach. If you need support. Especially when it comes down to your mental, physical, or emotional wellbeing. Because I want to empower. Health driven women. To start believing in themselves to start achieving. Their goals. Because I, how fun would it be? To achieve your goal. If you're like, man, I don't want to, I don't know, make a million dollars. Like how cool would that be to make a million dollars? Or I want to lose. This last 10 pounds and keep it off for good. Like how amazing would that be for you to achieve that? Maybe it's. I want to let go of mom guilt so I can be more present with my kids and my spouse. How amazing would that relationship be? With your kids. With your spouse with yourself. If. You worked on that. Think about your future self. If anything were possible. What would you want? What do you want to believe in? And why. Are you not believing in that now? I think it's fun. When you set a goal and then you achieve it and then you're like, okay, What's the next goal. Oh, you know, I said that I, I wanted to make a goal to run. Three miles in 24 minutes at the end of June. Okay. So Rob and I ran a mile. I was kind of sick last week, so I liked didn't work out and I was. Like, I need to move my body. Um, when I sit down at my desk, my. My stupid. Walking treadmill. Broke. So I just sat all last week and this week, and, Anyway. So I want to move my body and we were at our kid's soccer practice where it's they have a flat trail. And I'm definitely flatter than our neighborhood where we usually run. And I was like, oh, I just want to run a mile. And so we started and I was like, damn, I feel pretty good. I want to help facet is I didn't even look at the pace and it was something like a seven 40 pace, which when I run in the neighborhood, um, it's like a nine. 20 pace or something like that. So it was a significant difference, uh, running on flat land then. Running around Hills. So, I mean, I think I can. I want, I want to time. A three-night at my, I mean, not a three minute mile. Good God. A a S I want to tie my three mile pace. Soon. because. I think I'm closer. Then I actually think I am to that 24 minute. It's insane for three miles. So, I don't know. That's just like a fun. Fun goal to have, and then a marina. And I are like, Ugh. We should make it a goal to do, to be able to do five pull-ups. Bye. I think. It was by her birthday in July. So we, we practice that this week, but like how cool would it be to be like, oh yeah, I can do five Poulos. No sweat. That's going to take a lot of work, a lot of hard work. Which is fine. That's why I go to the gym. Because I want to see those results. And I believe. That we both can do that. We both can. Hit that. Five. Political. Thinking about goals you want to set for yourself? And again, the more specific you can get the. Then better, that would be. If you're trying to write affirmations, Right down specific affirmations that will help you achieve. Those goals or that will help you shift your mindset. So you can then start. Emotionally connecting with yourself and believing in yourself and just doing some amazing shit. All of us are capable of it. You just have to find what works for you. Affirmations don't work for everybody. And that's okay. All right. I'm going to jump off here. Um, I have some shit I got to do today, so. I hope this was. A good one for you. To here. Because again, we're all capable of amazing things. You just have to believe in yourself. And belief is possible to achieve whatever goal, whatever dream. You want to achieve? And I'm here for you. If you need. So anyways, I will talk to you on next week. I'm super excited about New York. I'll let you know how that tournament goes. I'm going into it with confidence. And I'm going to be confident with the ball. And I love. We I've been going to these Kamogi. Uh, trainings and hurling trainings. And a former hurling. Player who moves. I assume he still plays, but. He may just coach now. Anyways, uh, I played against them. There's a funny story there, but, um, he's been coaching at these workshops and he kept saying, instead of dwelling on. The past mistake, like if you missed a pass, if you. Whiffed the ball. You didn't catch it if the other team's forward on you, whatever it is. Think about the next ball. Don't think about what just happened, thinking about the next ball. If you miss a catch. Think. Okay. Well, what can I do with the next ball? Well, what can I do with the next ball? And it's so simple. And that just resonated with me. And that's what I've been thinking about on the field. And I'm trying not to be like, oh, why. Didn't you do, blah, blah, blah. Like getting down on myself. Like I. And comfortable doing. And so just repeating that, see that. So I can ask for, um, I guess the time affirmation, it's more of a mantra, but reminding myself. The next ball. So it was like with this podcast, uh, actually I heard Jesse. Eisler Sarah Blakely's husband. Um, Sarah Blakely, the. Founder of Spanx. Her husband. And. I just watched a clip of his and he was like, There are, I don't know. 2 million or something podcast on apple podcast and only like 300,000 of them. Produce more than one episode. And to me that was mind learning. It's like, So many people, I guess, try to start podcasts. And then after one episode, they give up and incite me. This is my second season. And I'm like, still figuring this shit out. Like I know my podcasts aren't the best right now, but I know. In a couple months. That they're going to be amazing. And they're going to help so many people. And like, I. I'm not dwelling on. Past. Podcast episodes. I'm just looking forward to the next one, because I know. With each one. I do. Grows my confidence in grows. My belief that. I'm here. And I'm helping people. Anyways, I let y'all know how the tournament goes. I'm really excited. Okay. I'm starting off. I love y'all and I'll talk to y'all next week. Okay. Bye.