EP 24 | Unleashing Your Inner Confidence: Strategies for Believing in Yourself

Confidence is fostered through self-care, self-trust, resiliency, and self-belief. 

Learning to be confident looks differently on everyone because we all have different areas of life we want to be more confident in. That could look like feeling more confident in your own skin, on a soccer field, up on stage during presentations, at a new job, as a parent. 

Once you gain confidence in one area of your life, confidence will trickle into other areas. Because how we do one thing is how we do everything - that's a famous quote I believe, but I forgot who said it. 

I also opened up some private 1 on 1 coaching for y'all! 

Website: https://merittrollinsbrown.com/

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Transcript

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What's a Katy's welcome back to the podcast. I'm merit. I'm going to be talking about. Unleashing your inner inner confidence. In strategies for believing in yourself. I recently had actually are I wrote a post on my Instagram. The other day about. Confidence in how my. Confidence have shifted. Recently in hurling. So I play this Irish sport hurling or Kamogi. I'll let y'all get into that. But in. Over the last couple of years. There's one year when I was playing that. I felt really confident in because I was really focusing on my mindset and changing. My thought patterns. And, but then as I created more goals in my life and I wanted to do more things. That I had done before then. Um, it's pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. I often. Fall back to my old thought patterns and old habits. And so. Over the last couple of years that self-doubts. Has been greater than confidence. When it comes to hurling. And I was on a friend's podcast talking about it. And then. I had this tournament up in New York that I recently went to. And asked somebody. What I can do. And they just said, leave your self-criticism at home. And so I thought to myself, well, What would it be like if I just believed that I can play. Great. And, With confidence. That has shifted this entire season for me already. Because every time I stepped on the field, I think to myself that I am confident. I know what to do. On the field and I can do it well. And if I don't do it well the first time, then I can try it again. Y I can get so nervous between or between before tournaments. As really, because I don't know what to expect. And it's there. Is that level of. The unknown that. Caters to the fear and the self-doubt. And then I always think, well, I'm not going to be good enough. To play in the game. So I was focusing, I was practicing for this New York tournament a lot. And like, that was my goal to play well in New York. And once I got a taste of what it felt like to play with confidence, Then I was like, yes, this is how I want to play from here on out, because I want to repeat. That feeling. We just went to Memphis this past weekend. And that was a lot of fun. I didn't play as much just because I was kind of recovering from an injury, so we just weren't sure how much I would be able to play anyways. But at the time I did play. I played. Well, There were, you know, obviously everybody makes mistakes, but we, we ended up winning. our games for the weekends and then afters, because we had never gone to Memphis before. You afterwards was a lot of fun. I love going to tournament's with. My teammates. because it's just a great bonding experience. And then. We're all just having a good time together. He was a vibe and we liked Memphis a lot. This season, I promised myself that I'm going to play with more confidence. Because I'm tired of always doubting myself and feeling like I'm not getting enough in that spin. With me since. Middle school, I guess. I don't know what triggered that, but it paralyzes me to the point where I don't make, I feel like I'm not making any progress in the night. And it pudding. So much pressure on myself. Because I want to make progress, but I'm not. That I just kind of stopped doing the work. And I think I've talked about this too. Like in my business, especially when I first started, what three, four years ago. That was a really bad pattern. And I often talk about reacting versus responding. And so on the field, I would react in a habitual way, meaning that if I messed up, then I would. Criticize myself right on the spot. Because when you react to you are habitually acting in a way that's comfortable for you. So, if you are trying to go out there, With more in play with more confidence and then you mess up. Say three times in a row, then that self criticism is going to. Come back because that's what you're used to doing. And so when you first start kind of shifting your mindset, from doubting your abilities to them playing with confidence. So I got a game of tug and war, because you're trying to do something new, but with your old. Salt patterns in your old habits or behaviors. So if you make mistakes and then you criticize yourself. Afterwards. Or you beat yourself up. You will continue to let that voice inside your head, dictate your actions. And when you respond issues. You are capable of choosing. What your next action is going to be. And you get up and you try again and then you can try again. And then you keep trying until you succeed. Ultimately you hold the power of your results. Even if you don't win the match, you. Keep playing and you keep trying and you don't let the old negative thoughts. Remove you from the game, because I definitely have done that, where I get so down on myself that I just am mentally, not even in the game anymore. And I mean, insert. Whatever into when I say game, I'm just using Hurley as an example, obviously. Use this. In. Your own life in a way. That suits you. So if you started a new job or something and you feel like. You are making mistakes or if you are in a relationship and it's like, I'm not. I try to do this. And then I feel like I'm not doing it well. You know, insert whatever. Fits your lifestyle. That you are not confident in. Confidence, looks different on. Everybody right.. When I step on the field and I say, I'm getting that ball. That to me is confidence because I used to be so scared to receive a puck out. Or even a pass because I just overthink it. And then I. Nine out of 10 times, I ended up missing the ball completely because I'm overthinking it because it was like, oh my gosh, what am I going to do? If I catch this ball? What if I don't catch this ball? Everybody's looking at me. People are going to count on me. And then if I make a mistake, Then they're going to be mad. I'm going to disappoint people. But now I'm like, no, I know I'm capable of catching that ball. And so I'm going to go forward and catch it. And if I miss it, then I miss it. And then. We get it back. Like we will adjust.. So. When I say self-confidence. It means that you. Believe in yourself and you believe in your abilities and what you're capable of. And. It means that you trust yourself. especially during challenges or you have obstacles in life. You are confident that you can navigate those. You're confident that you can pursue and achieve goals. When you face adversity, you have a sense of. Assurance and resilience. When you are confident that portrays in. Most areas of your life. Especially when we talk about women being confident, they have kind of this. Like their posture's a little bit straighter. They can walk into your room. And. They aren't nervous. They don't have that nervous energy. They just evoked this. ARRA this vibe, aura, ARRA. I don't know how you say that. Aura. Around them. For me sometimes that's intimidating. It's like, shit. I want to be. I want to be like her. You know, like that type of woman, and usually they have a positive self image. They also have like a realistic understanding of what their strengths are. And then they also, aren't afraid to show. Their weaknesses either in a way where if they don't understand something, they aren't afraid to be like, yo, I don't understand this. Can you explain it to me because they want to learn, they aren't going to sit there and say, oh my gosh, I can't do this because I don't understand it. Or I'm too embarrassed to ask for help. Like a confident person asks for help. And they are able to take action despite the uncertainty or the confusion or their fear. Because they have a belief. That they can figure it out. Where they going to ask somebody to help them figure it out? Confidence is not based on perfection or. Some kind of external validation either. It comes from. Within your sense of self-worth your capability. What you believe you can do? People with confidence. Exude. Those qualities. A lot of times. I know. And I still have this tendency, like perfectionism is so. Much a part of my life. And I know it is for a lot of women. A lot of. People in general. And it's like that fear of failure. Or. Because you can't do something perfectly, then you just shouldn't do the thing. Or you beat yourself up so much because for me, I didn't play a perfect game. I didn't execute my passes the way I wanted to. I missed so many points. Blah, blah, blah. And getting into that mindset for me, just overwhelms me, but it's somewhere that I'm comfortable being and that's why I stayed in it for so long. And. It just undermines my confidence. And when I'm not confident in one area, I'm usually not confident in other areas of my life. So when I feel really good about myself, like weightlifting, Being in shape, going out on the field with confidence, then that bleeds over to. Other areas. So when. An obstacle or challenge comes up and then I'm like, oh, okay. Or for me when confrontation happens, I'm more. Comfortable now. Standing my ground versus. Before, when my nervous system would just be like, oh my gosh, what is happening? And like, my heart would race. My armpits, start to sweat. My hands shake and it's like, oh my gosh, I don't know what to say right now. I don't know what to do, but, now that I've had like a lot of confrontational. I don't know what the word meetings. I've practiced like. Saying some saying what I wanted to say. And standing up for myself when necessary. I trust that I can do that. In most cases. If you're trying to be more confident, You start with the small. Things. So if it is having a hard conversation with somebody, you can practice it over and over in your head. And then. When the time comes. You can place your hand. On your chest, feel your heartbeat kind of sink into your body. Take a couple of deep breaths. Tell your nervous system, I'm safe. I know what to say. It's okay. Then you proceed with the hard conversation. And the more times you practice that. The. More confidence. You will be for having hard conversations. When you practice. Being confident, then you're going to build your resiliency to. And then you are going to. Nurture your self-compassion. And you nurture your self-compassion by being self-aware. So when you're having that hard conversation, Thinking about what's going on in your mind. Think about what you want to say. Thinking about how to calm your nervous. System. Treat yourself with. Love and grace in. Remove the judgment. So if you stumble on your words, if you forget what you want to say, Be gentle with yourself. And keep. Keep showing up for yourself. Keep trusting yourself that you can do the hard things. When you start incorporating. These kinds of practices in your life. Then you're going to start nurturing that self-compassion and then you are going to be beating yourself up as much, and then you are going to be judging yourself as harshly. When things do happen in life. And you're going to foster. That confidence in that belief, in that resilience, in that self-trust. And when you feel that. When you practice that and you're like, oh, this is what it feels like. Then you are going to want to repeat that. Right. Like how I stepped on the field with confidence and I had such a great tournament. I want to repeat that because I would rather, I want to feel that way versus doubting myself all the time. You're thinking negatively. About myself all the time. So I'm going to practice every time I stepped on the field. Too. Be confident. And when I'm confident on the field that I want to be confident and. How I feel. As a person, which means that I'm going to be taking care of my body more. So your self care is going to fall. Into place as well. And it's just going to create the snowball effect. Because, like I said, it bleeds over into other areas of your life. And so for self care, If you want to feel better in your body, then you're going to start eating healthier. And I think I've talked about the health trio before, where you have sleep nutrition in exercise. And so when you eat better than you're going to have more energy and when you have more energy, then you're like, oh man, I can. I want to go for a walk or I want to go run or I want to start lifting weights or something to feel even better about myself. And the more you exercise. The more tired you are going to get, and then you're going to end up. Saying, oh man. I'm. I'm tired from the day. So let me get. More sleep than I have been getting, because one of my faults is, Staying up late because. That's just a pattern for me to self sabotage. When I'm not taking care of myself, then I'm going to stay up later. And then I'm going to be tired the next day. And then you do that over time and then. Your cortisol levels go up and. Then you have chronic stress issues and inflammation and all that stuff. So. You are your self care is going to. Start to develop as well. And it'll all come together and it will all connect. But if you are, if you don't feel confident about something, identify what that specific area. Is. So, if you don't feel confident that you can talk to yourself in a positive manner. If you. Don't do confrontations. Well, if you play a sport and you aren't confident on the field, if you aren't confident in your body and your own skin. Identify. What the area is that you want to focus your confidence on. You want to recognize also your negative thoughts about that? Like, why are you feeling. Doubtful or uncertain. Instead of confident, like what would it. What would you have to think in order to be confident? And then you acknowledge your strengths. And then you challenge your negative thoughts. And then you challenge. Your belief, like, why am I believing that thought? And then you. Visualize your success. So if you want to be a confident in a sport. Visualize you succeeding in that. And what does that look like? And then you can kind of fill in the gap with, okay. If I start thinking this. Then I'm going to start feeling. More confident. And then what actions, what behaviors can I. Practice. In order to feel that way. And again, insert whatever. Area. You want to feel confident and, and then once you start practicing in one area, You can just rinse and repeat that in other areas. So maybe you start with feeling good, feeling confident. With who you are feeling confident. As a mom, feeling confident as At your job. Whatever it is that that works for you because. Everybody is capable of being confident, believing in yourself, achieving your goals. You know why? Because you are amazing and beautiful and strong and smart. And resilient. And you can do hard things. All right. That's all I have for you today. I opened up my one-on-one coaching spots too. So if you want to go over to. mayor@rollinsbrown.com. Or follow me on Instagram and Tik TOK. Uh, But Rollins brown to find out more how we can work together. The go to my website. And I have. The one-on-one spots. And then I'm going to open up the group coaching. In a couple months, I think so. You can go check that out. If you think we would be a good fit to work together. Anyways. All right. I will chat with you all next week. Okay. Bye.